I find it ironic that I am starting to write a blog about myself since I started out my first years of life not wanting to talk about myself in any way or draw attention to myself. That changed in junior high and high school. I think it does for many kids at that age. I think most teenagers want recognition of some sort. I was pretty out-going during those years, and most people to this day would call me out-going. I just find myself more interested in hearing other's stories now. It is much more interesting finding out about other people's pasts then my own. I see a woman sitting in church and she seems like any other person. Then when I actually get to know her I find out that she is from a different country, has been married two times, and has a debilitating disease! It is crazy the things I learn when I get to know someone. So, I don’t find myself as interesting when I start learning about others. But it might be because I already know me and how I became me!
The other night I was crying to my husband. I use to NEVER cry. My husband use to tell me how I never cried and I sometimes felt like maybe I was an odd girl? I almost forgot how it felt to cry unless I bore my testimony, and that was mainly because I was nervous. Very few times over our marriage did I ever cry until the past two years. I have chosen to be brutally honest in my blogs. I don't know if I might offend some by being honest about my feelings, but I think it is better for me to be honest then to pretend I am someone who I am not. So, I was talking to my husband about how and why I am the way I am. He told me that I have so many stories from my past that I should write my feelings and stories down. In one way I have written them down. I use to keep journals, but now I get motion sick from writing. That is where the idea of the blog came to mind.
Two years ago I got very ill. I’ve learned a ton since that time. Once I got over whatever darn thing made me so sick, I was diagnosed with something called vestibular migraines. Sounds like no big deal, hu? Well, on some level it probably isn’t. I can’t die from vestibular migraines. Everyone that is diagnosed with vestibular migraines has them to different degrees. Those that have them severely are affected by them on an everyday basis. They can go up and down in a day, but they affect my life on a daily basis. In that way it is a very big deal. It’s a big deal because it has changed my life as I knew it. It has changed how I feel, not just physically, but emotionally, about almost everything.
This blog is somewhat about how I am dealing with vestibular migraines, but even more so it is about how I became me. Why I think the way I think and feel. Why I have a strong testimony, but why I’m not a cookie cutter LDS girl. I hope to be completely honest. I can’t write with a pen without getting sick, so I have decided to type with my eyes closed.
Here I go! EEEK!!
