On Wednesday of this past week, for no apparent reason that I could think of, I got very motion sick. I can never think of a good reason for why I get motion sick. Wednesday is when child 1 has gymnastics and child 2 has ballet. I try to take child 2 to ballet since it is literally right down the street from our neighborhood, but the motion sickness was so bad that I couldn’t. She didn’t end up going to ballet. Missing ballet is not the end of the world, but this is my everyday life. I go for months not driving a car like a 90 year old woman and I am in my early 30’s. If I drive the car then I get motion sick and feel like I am going to throw up. I have joked around with the hubby that we should get a chauffeur. I wasn’t joking as much as he probably thinks I was joking. My dad or my mother-in-law takes child 1 to gymnastics. I try to look at the positive. She has quality time with her grandparents. She comes home and talks about every conversation she has with them. It puts a smile on my face. Some weeks are not fun with me sitting on the couch. If I try to accomplish something then I feel like I am going to throw up.
Sometimes instead of motion sickness I just have splitting headaches which are not fun, but better then motion sickness. I still can’t read, or help kids with piano, or play games, etc. But I can do more than I can do with motion sickness. I can muddle on through making dinner, going to Let’s Play Music (a little music class that child 2 takes), or have better conversations with the kids (even though I still might be a little grumpy.) I try very hard to not be grumpy. If anyone has ever had the flu, bad sinus infection, or strep throat – try to picture putting on a smiling face and doing all your normal everyday duties as a mother and wife. This is pretty much most days for me, if not harder, because I pretty much feel like crudola!
- I was the life of the party
- I had TONS of energy
- I was always on the go
- I always had some kind of project going
- I liked to workout
- I forced myself to wake up in the mornings to get ready and to get my family ready for the day
- My house was organized and clean and it bothered me if it was not organized and cleaned
- My girls hair had to be done for school and their clothes matched and were ironed (I even made jewelry and hair clips to match their outfits – lol.)
- I was a fun mom – I jumped on the trampoline, I played in the little pool in the backyard, I came up with projects, I played horsey with them, dolls, anything they wanted to play or make believe.
- I read and sang to my kids every night before bed.
- I made lunch and dinner
- I made my husband laugh ALL the time
- I always seemed to be smiling
- I took my kids everywhere, I was their taxi.
- I always felt up for a good time
- I loved trips, especially with family
- I loved making up these silly games (it’s hard to explain) but my hubby would always roll his eyes when I would make them up and then he would always end up liking them.
- We had a routine down
- We read scriptures every morning, said the articles of faith, and had family prayers
- I would stay up sometimes until late hours reading a book that I couldn’t put down
- I ate seriously a pound of chocolate every day. It was a wonder that I wasn’t 300 pounds!
- I was addicted to Dr. Pepper. I still get a craving every once in awhile
- I could eat ANYTHING and not have a problem digestively or in any other way.
- I had NO physical problems except a few from my appendix rupturing from when I was younger (My tubes were damaged and I couldn’t get pregnant without doing IVF.)
- I could schedule my week out in advance, even months out in advance.
- People could count on me. If I said I would be somewhere, I would be there.
Well, I could go on and on. But basically I LOVED my life even with the little ups and downs of life. When my husband came into my life, he was the best blessing that ever came into my life. I loved life before then, but he was what brought all my other blessings together and evened out my life.After I got sick I would describe me:
- Still having fun at get- togethers, if I feel good. I am a good faker too. If the migraine or motion sickness isn't extreme then I probably seem like I'm feeling great to everyone around me. My husband knows me too well though.
- I have energy if I get 11-12 hours of sleep
- I can’t be on the go because most of the time I can’t drive.
- I like having projects still. Brian will take me to the stores on weekends. Sometimes if I work on a project I will get motions sick or a headache so I will have to stop and I’ll never finish the project.
- A good workout to me is walking around the neighborhood. I’m getting better. I’ve started doing a few leg workouts. Thanks to my diet (pretty much the word of wisdom) I’m pretty small. I am working up my workout. I just can’t do many things that go up, down, up, down or I get all motion sick. Not all the time, just the times my vestibular migraines are sensitive.
- My girls get themselves ready for school most mornings. I’ve had to let the guilt go and realize that my girls are a lot more capable and independent then I thought possible. They are not all done up anymore and in the back of my head I wish I could be like Bewitch and wiggle my nose and make them look all fancy like, but I still think they are the cutest girls in the world!
- My house seems to ALWAYS be a mess and nothing seems to be organized anymore. I wish I could say this does not bother me. I’ve had to let it go for the most part. I’m sure people that come over think I don’t care, but that is not so. I’ve wanted to clean my disgusting den for so long, but every time I start to clean it I start to get motion sick and I have to lie down. If people only knew how against my real nature this is to me! I would have that den whipped into shape in a few hours flat!
- I still try to play with my girls, but it is a little different. I definitely don’t jump on the trampoline. I have sometimes made up dances with them when I feel fine. Physical activities have always been my favorite, so when I have the chance I will always pick physical activities. I play softball, or tag, or anything physically active. My daughters will go on walks, or I’ll challenge them to a wall sit or lets-see-how-long-you-can-hold-a-plank challenge. Most often I have to tell them to find something to do on their own though.
- I don’t sing or read books to my girls at night hardly ever. I usually don’t feel that great by then and it is just time to go to bed!
- I have two children. Child 1 has learned to make a lunch and my husband makes the other lunch. As for dinner, I do my best, but my husband usually ends up making it or getting something on his way home. It is so embarrassing to admit that, but I just don’t feel well a lot of the times.
- I still make my husband laugh and smile. I think it tears him apart to see me suffer in anyway. It hurts me to know that I can’t take my illness away so that I can take his hurt away. It drives me crazy! We have the best times together. We also hurt together. We are best friends. I always knew we loved each other, but I didn’t realize how much until this trial. I still wish it would go away!
- I’m obviously not a taxi driver for my kids; I don’t drive much at all.
- If I am up for a good time, then I want to spend that time with my husband and children, not with other people. I don’t know if others understand that. I might have been the best of friends with them, but I don’t feel all that well. So, when I do feel great then I want to spend that time with my family. I don’t mind going out every once in a great while with some friends, but that is it. If people want to be offended then so be it. My family sees me not feeling well so often that when I feel good then I’m going to spend feeling good with them!
- I can’t even picture going on a trip now. Every year our family would think about going somewhere different other than Disneyland and we would always end up going to Disneyland. We would also spend some of that time at Huntington Beach. One of the times we spent the whole vacation on Huntington Beach. Our favorite place to eat was the Sugar Shack. My parents are from that area and it is always fun for us to visit. We also took vacations with my husband’s side of the family to Texas, Nashville, New Orleans, and to visit his parents in Brazil. I had fun going with my family to Mexico and visiting my sisters in Memphis, Las Vegas, and D.C. But now I wouldn’t enjoy any of it.
- I still make up silly games with my husband and he still rolls his eyes. I just don’t make them up as much because I have to feel great to make them up.
- I rarely read any book because I get motion sick reading. Writing is even worse. Strange, hu? It is to me too. But it is what it is unfortunately. I've even had my sister forge my name at doctor's offices. SHHH!
- I rarely read any book because I get motion sick reading. Writing is even worse. Strange, hu? It is to me too. But it is what it is unfortunately. I've even had my sister forge my name at doctor's offices. SHHH!
- We have a better routine down, but it is still hard because I think it is a mother who usually makes the routine. As for me, I feel like I have NO routine. I can’t make a plan worth a darn from day to day. My life is in my house. If I make plans with ANYONE it may change. I can say that I want to do something next week with someone and next week comes and I may feel terrible and the whole thing goes out the window. It is frustrating for not only me, but for everyone, especially those who do not know me well, or for those not understanding. My family is very understanding because they know me so well. No one can depend on me, including myself. I have no idea how I will feel from day to day or moment to moment. I have to have faith to do anything and hope for the best but plan on the worst.
- We are finally reading scriptures again as a family. It has taken almost two years to get in the habit. We usually did it in the mornings because we got up very early and Brian had bishopric meetings at nights before I got sick. Well, when all hell broke loose in our family I think Satan himself tried everything in his power to bring us down to hell with him. I felt like I was in hell and so did Brian. Things have never been the same and I don’t think they ever will be. Anyone who has ever been through a life changing experience knows it is just that - a LIFE CHANGING experience. My children are learning so many things about the scriptures and so am I. I am learning things that I forgot about. We have never stopped saying prayers.
- I have a very strict diet now. I mainly eat what is in the word of wisdom. I won’t go into too much detail of my conversations with my husband. But sometimes I get a little bitter. Can you tell I’ve had one of those weeks? Some weeks I thank Heavenly Father so much for all of his help and other weeks I ask, “WHY?!” I remember hearing about single mothers who were high on drugs pregnant with their third child and I would ask Heavenly Father why those mothers were good enough to get pregnant but I wasn’t? Well, obviously a miracle happened and now I am a mother and I am so blessed with two perfect angels. Well, I found myself sitting outside of Old Navy feeling motion sick and not being able to finish the flip-flop shopping trip with my family. So, my husband, as usual, got to finish it with the kids. I was sitting on the bench outside a bunch of stores watching obese person after obese person walk outside each store. Now, you probably think I am so rude. I don’t usually judge people by their outside appearance. But I have worked DARN hard to do everything in my power to get myself healthy in hopes of some miracle or some blessing to occur in my life. I read what it says in the Word of Wisdom and the blessings that can be received and I am looking at all the smokers and obese people that clearly don’t live the word of wisdom and they are receiving all the blessings that I have been praying and begging for. Why not me? And so I sat right there and said a lecturey prayer to Heavenly Father. I am sure most people have never said a prayer like that in their lives. I can’t even picture my mother-in-law ever saying the kind of prayers I say to Heavenly Father. Well, I told him exactly how I felt. Well, I never heard anything back, but I told him how I felt!
I promised that I would be blunt and honest about my feelings and this week has been a pretty AMAAAAAZING week (sarcasm intended.) With my condition there are so many ups and downs. My husband tells me I am the strongest person he has ever known. And as I write that I have tears running down my cheeks, because my husband has known some pretty amazing people in his life. My husband is the love of my eternities. I could never find anyone as manly, romantic, loving, cute, honest, sincere and kind as my man. I will not apologize for how long this post is because this is my blog. If this was my journal, this would be exactly what I would write. So there it is!
No comments:
Post a Comment