Two and a half years ago I watched my body, mind, and spirit sinking. I was scared. A year and a half later I was still not myself, but I was able to function much more than I was able to the year before. I remember one day, when I was able to function, my oldest daughter got very upset about something. She got very mad at me. It was not typical of her to get mad at me and she wasn’t speaking kindly to me. I had to give her a consequence. It wasn’t a happy day in our home. It seemed like there wasn’t a happy spirit. That night I was talking to my husband and I told him about my frustrations. After I told him about everything I told him how grateful I was for the blessing of that day. I told him that even though my daughter was mad and upset at me, I was so grateful to even have the frustrating mother moments. I was so happy that I was able to actually function and talk to my daughter. I was so grateful to be alive!
Some of the things that I am grateful for when I wake up in the morning are the little birds chirping outside. I notice them every morning. I’ve noticed them since I was a little girl. I used to watch them outside while I would eat my breakfast during the summer mornings. The little birds always sound so cheerful and it brightens my day. I’ve always loved the little creatures on the earth. I always get so excited when we see a squirrel or a raccoon, or a little Bambi in the forest! I don’t mind that my husband likes to go hunting; I just don’t want to hear the details! I love all of the little creatures and I think that is why I loved the parts on Cinderella and Snow White when all the little animals surround them. I am not a huge Disney Princess fan, I would much rather watch Robin Hood, Toy Story, or Fox and the Hound, but I love the scene on the princess movies with all the little creatures – sooo cute!
Every day as a habit I would thank Heavenly Father for the day. Now when I say it I truly am grateful for each day. What a blessing to live today, that we are able to be alive TODAY! Even when I feel cruddy, I am still happy that I am able to live and be surrounded by my family.
What an amazing blessing to live where I live! I know for some that they don’t like living in the state where I live, but I LOVE it! I wouldn’t trade it for anything! I was raised here and I don’t ever want to move. I love the old school people that live here, their hard work and lifestyle, and their values. I love spring time with the orange blossoms. I love the fields and groves. I love that the sun shines, the sky is blue, and that it never snows. Carl Reiner once said, “A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” I once served in the Stake Young Women’s Presidency and the Stake Young Women’s President had served a mission in a state where it snowed a ton. She told us that she believed that hell was going to be made of ice, not fire. So, in my opinion, I’m living in heaven on earth!
I am blessed that I live in the U.S.A. I could go on and on about this blessing. There is no better place to live then the United States of America and I thank Heavenly Father every night that I live here. I also pray that people will start waking up and paying attention to what is going on!
This is something my husband probably has only known, but I love the sky. Every time I walk outside I will always say something about the sky, unless it is dark and gloomy. I love a sunny, clear sky. My favorite time of day is close to the end of the day when it is still light outside, but I can’t see the sun. I wish it could be like that always. It is just so peaceful, beautiful, and relaxing. I could be outside forever. What a blessing!
I grew up with a dad that was fascinated by everything around him. If he was fascinated by something then he would learn the history behind whatever it was that he thought was interesting. I guess it wore off on me, even though I rolled my eyes at him growing up. I appreciate anything and everything, and now my girls roll their eyes at me! I am not quite as animated as my dad, but I am fascinated and appreciative. One time I was in the car with my dad and my boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) on the way to who-knows-where when we were stopped by a train. Most people would be frustrated. Not my dad! He got all excited to see the big train coming down the tracks just like a little boy. He exclaimed, “Here it comes…shipping the goods of America.” I giggled and rolled my eyes. I had a feeling my dad wasn’t done “appreciating” the train. I soon found out just how much he wanted to express his gratitude for that grand train for shipping the goods of America. As soon as the train honked its blaring horn, my dad leaped out of the car and with his arms up in the air he yelled, “I LOVE AMERICA!” His voice could be heard over the noise of the train. I know my mouth dropped open and both my boyfriend and I looked at each other at the same time in a state of shock. We both started laughing. I mean, what else could we do? It didn’t stop that boyfriend from asking me to marry him and now he is my husband. He obviously knew what he was getting married into. That is my dad though, and I love that part of his character. I would never jump out of a car and yell anything, but I have the same pride and excitement in me about anything and everything that seems exciting to me. When I am able to get on the computer, I am constantly looking things up about the most random things that interest me. I love to know about anything and everything that fascinates me – even trains!
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized how lucky I was to have been born in circumstances where I was blessed with parents who provided shelter, clothes, medical care, and food for me. I didn’t realize that there were so many children that were born in circumstances where this was not provided, and not because their parents didn’t love them. How fortunate that I was a child that was born in circumstances that my parents were able to provide for me. I lived in an area where many were very affluent. My family didn’t live in the biggest house or drive the most expensive cars, or have fancy toys. I realize now how lucky I was just to have a roof over my head, to have food provided whenever I was hungry, and clothes and shoes to wear to protect me. How blessed am I? I have always been taken care of my entire life! I am so fortunate!
I am beyond grateful for health. Without health nothing really matters. That may not seem true to some, but it is true! You can’t really do much without health in this life. I feel blessed to be able to walk each day, to breathe, to think, to see, to hear, taste, smell, touch, and feel. I love the times I am able to be completely physically active. It’s my favorite. I was so physically active growing up. Running and exercising is sooo boring. I love dancing, playing games, sports, etc. That is how life should be lived. Life just isn’t the same when one feels cruddy! I’m always thankful for days when I feel good.
I’m grateful for chocolate, especially since I haven’t had a bite of it for at least six months now. My Heaven is going to have all–you-can-eat chocolate, sun, blue skies, and constant fun social activities with the people closest to me! And…I’ll never be cold while my husband is hot. But chocolate will always be there, and no one will gain weight or have any health issues from it!
This is a little vein side of me coming out. I could talk a lot about the things I would like to change about myself, but this post is titled, Gratitude. I’ve gotten a little more vein, if you will, about some of my qualities since I got ill 2.5 years ago. The reason is because I didn’t appreciate myself enough before I got sick. My husband would tell me everyday how he felt about me, but I would never tell myself any wonderful things about myself, not that I put myself down either. Women never appreciate what qualities they possess, they think often about what they would like to change about themselves. Am I right? So, when I got sick I realized how retarded I was that I had worried about losing weight, or how my jeans fit, or how this or that looked on my face, etc. Once I got ill, all I wanted to do was feel good again!! I started realizing I wasn’t half bad! I think girls have a hard time even admitting the good in themselves, or that they are pretty! I think if we aren’t #1 at something, then we don’t think we are good enough. Well, I think that is garbage! I’ve realized that I might not be a super model or Betty Crocker, but I am not half bad! So, I realized that I have some good qualities in me! I think that every girl should realize her good qualities both physically and spiritually. I wrote mine in the post, but then it just sounded like bragging, which I didn’t want, so I erased what I first typed! I don’t think of it as bragging, I just am grateful for the qualities I have now instead of always thinking about the things I want to change.
One of my greatest blessings that I have been blessed with throughout my life is good friends. Heavenly Father has always sent me good friends and influences in my life since I was very young. I have been so blessed to have each of my friends in my life. Each person has impacted my life in extraordinary ways. I have known some of my friends my entire life, and others for only a few short years, but the amount of time does not measure the impact. I love each of my friends. Once my friend, always my friend! I have never cared about numbers of friends. I have always cared about having deep, close, personal friendships. “Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.” (Benjamin Franklin) I don’t know about just having a deep friendship with one person, but I agree with Benjamin Franklin’s motto on friendship. I feel that my closest friends, whatever period of time they’ve gotten to know me, have really known me. I’m happy that I have never worried or cared about the amount of people that know me. What is great is that even though I have always focused on my close friends, I still have gotten to know others because I am hopefully civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; and enemy to none. At least that is the hope. My friends have impacted me for good and have been wonderful examples to me. I treasure each of them individually and the impacts they have made in my life. Henry Ward Beecher once said, “Every man should keep a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends.” Thank you to all my friends for the cemetery you have kept that has my name on it!
I have two blessings that I feel go hand-in-hand, my family and the gospel of Jesus Christ. These two blessings mean so much to me that I don’t really know what to write! How does one find words to describe the deep feelings one holds dearest? Is it possible? How can I convey to those who do not see and know our family on an everyday basis how deep our family bond? How can I ever describe how I feel about my Savior? I think it is impossible! I have the family that I dreamed about, but thought was impossible growing up. I never thought I would have the trials I have endured; but the love that I dreamed about is in our family, through thick and thin. My family is my best friends! I love the gospel of Jesus Christ! I use to think that those that had smiles on their faces and acted like they had no problems in their lives were the ones that had the strong testimonies, not that I think everyone should go to church and air their dirty laundry – not at all! But I realize now that the best of us go through some very deep harrowing trials. Those who question their faith doesn’t mean don’t have faith! Even Joseph Smith questioned things. That is how he got answers. (If you want to read my VERY favorite LDS General Conference talk given this month on trials titled, Mountains to Climb, by President Henry B. Eyring click here. I bawled my freaking eyes out. It was so good.) I have questioned many things over and over. I sometimes wonder if I’m ever heard in my prayers. I mean, it’s just me praying! I sometimes pray about the same darn thing every night. How I wish my trials were taken away. I mean, come on! I was given the trials so quickly, can’t the trials be taken away just as quickly. The blind were given eyesight and the deaf were able to hear, the lame were able to walk, and the dead even came back to life! Give me some pixie dust for heaven sakes! So, as you can see, I need some help with my faith at times. I do question things and I do wonder about everything at times, but I can’t imagine not having a Heavenly Father. “A man can no more diminish God’s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, ‘darkness’ on the walls of his cell.” (C.S. Lewis) I have literally been so sick that I couldn’t talk and the only person I could communicate with was Heavenly Father in my head. I felt lonely and scared not being able to communicate with anyone. I can’t imagine not having a Heavenly Father. I love knowing that I have a Father in Heaven that loves me and that I am His daughter. I am not perfect and He definitely knows it and hears all about it! My daughters know how I feel about my Savior, Jesus Christ. The stories I learned as a child have taken on greater meaning as I have gone through things in my life. He suffered in the garden for me and for all of us. Every time I hear that he suffered more than anyone has ever suffered, I think, how? How is that possible? I know it is true, but I have felt miserable! I wish I could have been there to pray for him. I know I would have stayed awake! At a time when I felt the most miserable I would not be able to sleep because I was so nauseated. I couldn’t sleep at all for weeks. I would pray over and over and over. My husband would rub my legs for hours just to relax me, and if he dosed off I would be jolted wide awake into misery. So, I would ask him to please stay awake and rub my legs and pray. It was too impossible for him to stay awake. So, I would lay there and pray. I have so much sympathy for my husband. He got no rest either, just a little. It was lonely, miserable, and scary. I always think about the Savior. I, in no way, will ever be able to relate, and no one else on this Earth will ever be able to relate to what the Savior went through in the Garden of Gethsemane. That is what is beyond what I can fathom!!! How did he do it? It had to be out of pure love for all of us! Sorry peeps, the only people I would go through misery for is my own darn children! I love the Savior with all my heart!
I have so many blessings in my life that I could go on and on. I feel like I already have gone on and on. The last blessing I will write about is the love of my life, my husband. I won’t get to mushy. I know I was meant to be with him. I will write about this in my blog titled Timing is Everything (Part 2). I thank Heavenly Father every night that my husband wanted to marry me from the first time he met me, and I seriously am like, why? Not that I don’t think I was somewhat of a good catch, but I mean, he decided he wanted to marry me, and that was that! All these girls kept coming up to me and asking me if I liked him because THEY were interested in him and it was obvious he was interested in me. I think I was a little, or a BUNCH, slower than him. It was pretty funny. The girls flirted with him and acted all goofy and flirtatious and giggly around him. I just talked to him. Who would have thought? Well, I won’t get into all of that. I’ll save it for another post! All I know is that my husband has NEVER treated me with disrespect. I seriously thought it might change after the honeymoon phase was over because he seemed too good to be true, as the saying goes. But I’m still waiting after twelve years for him to change, and it hasn’t happened. He is the most respectful, kind, person I have ever met. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a tease too, and he likes to get my feathers ruffled just because he likes to see my feisty! But he has absolutely never said one hurtful thing towards me in all of our marriage. He makes me feel like I am the only girl that is alive wherever we go. He thinks I am the most talented at whatever I do, which is a joke and a half! And it doesn’t matter if I make a complete fool of myself; he is never embarrassed of me. I feel so loved by him. He loves me for me! I’ve told him that there is no one like him, at least not for me. Seriously, who is going to worship me the way he does? NO ONE! Everyone thought he would be so different with his wife and it makes me feel even more loved. My husband is NOT a romantic, mushy type guy, until it comes to me. Now, for those of you who know him, I’m going to have to be careful what I write. He is all guy and into everything “guy.” When it comes to me, for some reason, the most romantic things will come out of that guy. I’m not talking flowers, chocolates and poems. I’m talking sincere things that just come out without him even thinking about it. It’s completely sincere and it melts my heart. That is how he won me over in the first place. He isn’t full of crap, it’s completely sincere and he doesn’t even realize it melts my heart! He will surprise me by the things he does and I am sworn to secrecy at the romantic things he has done for me. My husband has done things that would shock the living crud out of his brothers and he would never hear the end of it. All I know is that my husband is whooped on me! I think we were just meant to be together! I would do anything for that man! Just like it is impossible for me to describe my feelings for my children, family, and the gospel, it is so impossible for me to describe my deep feelings for my husband. I am going to end by adding the words to our song which fits us so well! My husband would die knowing I’m even sharing “our song!” We tried to come up with a song for our wedding, but it wasn’t really our song. We had songs we had danced to and the song, “She Thinks My Tractors Sexy,” because my husband is a farmer, but none of the songs were “our song.” So, we never really had a song, until we heard the old song from Firehouse, “I Live My Life For You.” We heard it while we were out on a date night when we had been married for about three years? We both knew it was “our song.” It describes us perfectly and it’s been our song ever since. What I love is that my man was into it being our song just as much as me. Geesh! I love him! None of you guys better give him flack about this! Sorry if this ended up being mushy and you had to take a break to puke in the pot!
You know you're everything to me
And I could never see, the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do, I promise you my heart
And I could never see, the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do, I promise you my heart
I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you, like I've never needed anyone before
I need you, like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you
I dedicated my life to you
You know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together
You know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together
I just can't live without you, and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I need you like I've never needed anyone before
I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you!
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you!
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