Brian came home wearing this shirt one day. He bought it because the moment he saw it he knew it was made for him.
There are a few thoughts that have been reiterated in my mind the past few months. I am coming from the place of a mother with a teenage daughter. Every child is unique. The thoughts and feelings I have are in correlation to MY teenage daughter and what I see and feel through her eyes.
I had a thought come to my mind in July that has repeated in my head many times over. If a girl is trying to live a clean life in every way, is genuinely kind, honest, pretty, emotionally stable, is not materialistic, knows who she is, and loves to have fun - why then would she choose a boy that is not living the same way? Why would she choose someone that is not living a clean life, or is emotionally unstable, or weird, or controlling, gets jealous easily, or is arrogant? Unless the girl is majorly manipulated by flattering words and romantic gestures, then guess what? It doesn't matter how much you love the girl, she ain't choosing you buddy!
Kendra will be 16 in October. I will not be able to make decisions on who she chooses to date, but I do know my daughter. I do know who she is. I especially know what she deserves.
Kendra is as good as they come. She is not perfect, but she wants to do good and she is good. She likes to have fun and she loves socializing. She does not have the ability to be anything but genuine. She doesn't need attention to build her self-esteem, or pose provocatively on Instagram or post a ton of selfies so boys will look at her. She is truly genuine. For example, the boy Kendra had a crush on liked Kendra and another girl. The other girl would snub Kendra and act like she wasn't there. Kendra came home and said, "I don't know why, but it seems like so-and-so does not like me." I had to tell her why the girl does not like her. Then Kendra said, "But she doesn't even know me. That doesn't make sense. Maybe she just takes awhile to get to know people."😳 She has always been that way with everyone. I have had to tell her when a friend is not being a good friend. Even when someone has hurt her she is still kind. It makes me choke up thinking about it.
Kendra is no push over though. She is not swayed easily and she can be very bold. She reminds me of her dad in that regard. So, if you think you can manipulate her you high school pip squeak, then think again!
Thus far in Kendra's life she has never had a boyfriend. That does not mean that boys have not liked her. Just this past summer she had four different boys that went after her, but she did not like any of them. I, of course, did not find out about all the different "situations" until after the fact. Most of the boys that have gone after Kendra she has liked as friends. Kendra has liked boys also. She has only liked one or two boys back, but she felt she was too young to have a boyfriend or the circumstances prevented her from pursuing a relationship with the boy. Most every boy has been friend-zoned, poor boys. The boys she has liked are far and few between. She has never been boy crazy or felt the need to have a boyfriend, and her parents have thanked their lucky stars!
I see some girls with boyfriends and I not only thank my lucky stars that the girl is not Kendra, but I thank the Heavens! Kendra would rather have no boyfriend then to settle. I was the same way in college. All my friends were getting married SO YOUNG. I went out on dates all the time and it wasn't like I never had boyfriends. I got to the point in my life where I thought, "Maybe I'm just girlfriend material, or a fun date, but I am not marriage material." I remember one night praying about how I felt. I realized that I would rather be single for the rest of my life then settle for less than what I wanted in a husband. I didn't necessarily think I deserved everything I wanted, but I decided that if I couldn't have what I wanted then I just wouldn't get married. I met Brian a few months later. No girl should settle just because a guy likes her or because the guy has good qualities, but not the most important ones. I see girls dating guys that do not share the same standards, or guys that don't treat her right, or guys that are immature. I pray every night that my girls will know who they are and that they will know their self worth. It doesn't come from a boy!
One night Kendra opened up to me as I was driving her home from a party she attended. I always cherish the times she opens up to me and shares her inner thoughts and feelings. She asked me, "Do you think I will ever be asked to date?" I thought she was talking about when she would turn sixteen. I said, "Yes, you will definitely go out on dates." She then said, "No, I mean have a boyfriend." I said, "Are you talking about when you turn sixteen?" She said, "Well, I don't want a boyfriend because I am not sixteen, but I wish a boy would ask me to be his girlfriend." I got the distinct impression because of the girls around her dating and kissing boys that she was feeling like she was missing out on something and not feelings as great about herself. I knew many of the girls with boyfriends were the type that were very out-going, flirtatious, and aggressive. I was so thankful that a story I read about Muhammad Ali came to my mind at that point. I would rather copy and past the story here because it is better told by Muhammad Ali's daughter:
His globally known nick name is “The Greatest.” That name refers to his incredible fighting talent. However, I would like to suggest that the term “the Greatest” might also include his advice to his daughters. See below:
The following incident took place when Muhammad Ali’s daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:
When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.
My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them.”
He looked at me with serious eyes. “Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.”
I related this story to dating, kissing, and chastity. I told Kendra that boys are not looking for a wife in junior high and high school. Most boys go out with whatever girl makes it easy for them and kiss whatever girl makes it easy for them. I then told her that she is a rare gem. She is not easily obtained. When she is obtained she will be treasured because she is pure and rare. It was a very good talk and I could tell that she made a choice in her head - a good choice.
There are very few boys I think are good enough for my daughters. If you ask Brian he would tell you there are no boys good enough for his daughters.
A boy may have everything going for himself, but if he tends to go after the superficial, barbie look-a-like, attention-seeking, dozens of pictures of herself (or with others) on her social media type girls then he is no good for my daughter - I don't care how perfect he is in every other way.
Second, if the boy only likes girls that go after him and flirt with him then you have no chance with my daughter, because no matter how much she may have a crush on you, her mentality with boys is in the 1950's. You have to go after her! And it won't be easy. She doesn't gush all over someone. It takes time to get to know her. High school boys are into the RIGHT NOW and whatever makes them feel good. So, bye-bye little boys.
Third, if you need to have your ego boosted or a girl to flirt with you constantly then my daughter is not for you! Adios amigos! Her job is not to feed your ego! She doesn't know how to be anything but genuine and sincere. If she gives you a compliment then you know it's honest.
Fourth, if you think it is okay to kiss whatever girl you are attracted to then don't even think about kissing my daughter! Your kisses are cheap! Hers are gold.
Fifth, if you think it is alright to experiment with pornography, sex, drugs, cigarettes, marijuana, or any other type of filth, and then expect to have a clean, sweet, pretty girl honor and respect you then think again. At some point what you try to hide will come out. If you want the clean, sweet, pretty girl then you better be trying to live a clean life! Anyone can repent and change. It doesn't matter what you have done in the past if you have cleaned up your ways. If you only clean up your life to try and get a girl then it won't work. You have to do it for yourself! Kendra doesn't care what is "normal" to other people, she lives a clean life because it makes her feel good.
Sixth, if my daughter likes you and you snub her ONE time then you are not worth it! End of story tonto! I would rather my daughters be lonely spinsters than to have their self-worth torn down!
If any boy ever read my blog they are probably scared to death to even glance at either of my daughters. Truth is that Brian and I are the most accepting, loving people - well, especially Brian. All I want is for my daughters to enjoy their childhoods, have fun making friends, and continue to gain a testimony of Jesus Christ. I trust Kendra, so whomever she someday will choose to date, I will know he is a special guy and he will be accepted and loved by us. Until then I will continue to thank my lucky stars!
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