Let me introduce you to Christina Rosalia Ctibor who was born in 1881. That may seem long ago for some, but it really was not long ago. It's about a lifetime and a half ago. So, not long ago. I think she was called Rosalia, but I am not 100% sure. She was one of eleven children in her family. I have not found a marriage record for her, but she had to have been married before the age of 20 because she had her first child at age 20.

Christina is my great-great-great grandfather's granddaughter.  She is my great-great grandfather's niece, which makes her 1st cousin 3x removed.

Like I wrote in my last blog, our ancestors went through much harder trials than most any of us have to face in 2020. Christina Rosalia was no exception. It is interesting what I learn about my ancestors just by adding records to their profile. It shows that Christina gave birth to at least 5 children. We can assume that she had been pregnant more than 5 times because there was no good protection at that time.

Sometimes when I am filling out people's records, I don't pay much attention to dates. For some reason, I noticed that only one of Christina's children had a photograph. Then I noticed the dates of birth and death. All of Christina's children died before she died, only one made it to adulthood. To top it all off, her husband also died before she died. He died at age 47, about 10 years before Christina died at age 55. Honestly, at that point, I would have "accidentally" fallen on some railroad tracks and waited for a train to come squish me.

Her first child died at age 1, her second child lived the longest dying at age 28, her third child died at age 8, her fourth child died shortly after birth, and her fifth child died at age 11. I would ban sex after that just so I would not have to go through the hell of losing another child.

Her first child died at age 1, her second child lived the longest dying at age 28, her third child died at age 8, her fourth child died shortly after birth, and her fifth child died at age 11. I would ban sex after that just so I would not have to go through the hell of losing another child.

I don't know anyone in 2020 that has gone through anything like losing 5 children. I don't know how my heart would keep beating. I wish my ancestors kept journals so I could know what they were feeling and how they got through the worst of trials. I do know that Christina stayed married to her husband (who I circled in red) and that she did not use the tragedies in her life as an excuse to blame others, treat others rudely, or demand retributions.

Christina is a wonderful example to us. I truly hope to meet her one day and be able to tell her that what she went through was not forgotten.

Skeletons in the Closet

I love family history because I feel like I get to know my ancestors, maybe even some stories they thought would die with them. For instance, because of DNA, we found out that my great grandpa (Hans) from Sweden fathered a child with a girl named Anna that he loved before he met my great grandmother. The story is actually sad. Hans worked for Anna's family in Sweden. The family brought Hans over with them to the USA. Hans and Anna fell in love. There are two different scenarios that could have happened: The first is that Hans and Anna got married in secret. On their baby's birth certificate it has Hans as the father, and the baby has Hans' last name. The second is that Hans and Anna got pregnant and wanted to get married. Either way, when Anna's father found out, he forbade the relationship. He did not think Hans was good enough for his daughter. It was either because Hans was just a labor worker, or possibly because they had married in secret and Anna's father was furious, or because Hans had gotten Anna pregnant. No matter the scenario, the relationship between Hans and Anna ended, and they were both heartbroken. Anna's father fired Hans and sent him back to Sweden.

I do not know why Hans (my great grandpa) chose to immigrate back to the USA after being sent back to Sweden. My guess is that he could not forget about Anna and the baby. Hans was able to get back to the USA. He settled in the same area that Anna lived, even though there was no hope for him to persuade Anna's father to let him see Anna or the baby. Anna named their child Henry, after my great grandfather.😢 (Hans changed his name to Henry when he moved to the USA to sound more American. I am sticking with the name Hans for my great grandfather and Henry for the son he had with Anna to make the story more clear.) I have seen a picture of Henry and he is the spitting image of my great grandfather.

Look at those beautiful, big eyes.  Hans is my dad's maternal grandpa.

Hans later met my great grandmother, Ida, who was from Germany (now Poland). Hans and Ida raised their family a hop, skip, and a jump from Anna's family. It is my guess that Hans wanted to see his son from afar and feel comforted knowing his son was okay.

Hans' children never knew that their dad fathered another child, although Anna's children found out the entire story. When Henry got older, he wanted to get a job. The employer wanted to see Henry's birth certificate before accepting him as an employee. Henry went home and asked his mother for the copy of his birth certificate. She burst into tears and realized that she had to tell Henry about Hans. I do not know all the details of what she told Henry, but I do know that Henry felt that the man that raised him was his real and only father. Once Henry got married and had children of his own, his daughter asked him if he would ever want to meet Hans. He replied, "I have a dad and he is my only dad." My heart felt pulled when I learned that information. On one hand, I feel horrible for my great grandpa because he was denied access to his son and sent away. I am positive he felt heartbroken his entire life over the situation. I also know that Hans was a loving husband, father, and grandfather. He was a gentle man with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. On the other hand, I know how it is to adopt a child. Kessa is just as much my daughter as Kendra. Kessa feels the same as Henry felt. Kessa knows I am her only mother. The girl that gave birth to her is a special person that cared enough about Kessa to give her life and a forever family - But she is not her mother.

Hans and Ida had a very happy life with their three children. Hans was a devoted husband and father.

Hans with his wife Ida and their three children

(From Left to Right):

Lorraine, Marvin, and Eileen (my grandma)

The one question all of us have: Did Hans ever tell Ida about Anna? I do not think he did tell Ida. That generation did not share those things.

Whenever I think of Hans and Anna I feel like I just watched a tragic love story. I am grateful that my great grandpa found my great grandma though. Everything I hear about their relationship was precious. They loved each other, took care of each other and their children their entire lives.

This is just one "Skeleton in the Closet", but I have found many more about other ancestors. I do not think of these skeletons as negatives though. I know some of these details about my great ancestors are probably details they thought would die with them, but I am grateful to find stories about their lives. It makes me think of them as human beings that experienced joy and heartache. They weren't perfect. They made mistakes, but they kept going. I am grateful to see them as real people with real lives and with real feelings. It also helps me to realize that even when life seems excruciating that there will be light if we endure and try to make the best of our circumstances. I believe some mistakes or heartaches can bring about the greatest blessings just like in the case of Hans. Maybe these details aren't skeletons after all. Instead they can be the comfort and inspiration that when we go through hard times that there will be light if we continue to seek for it. I think we can learn a thing or two from past generations. I know I have!

Family Reunion:

My mom was contacted by Henry's granddaughter. His granddaughter had taken a DNA test and linked the story together. I do not think she contacted anyone until everyone involved had deceased. Henry's descendants made contact with Hans's grandchildren with Ida. I need to ask my mom and dad the details of everything that went down, but if I remember correctly, Marvin Dahlgren (Hans's son with Ida) was still alive when the granddaughter contacted my family. My family was happy to learn of Henry and to meet new cousins and relatives.

More about Hans:

Lorentz Hans Ericsson

The naming convention in Sweden is very complicated. Up until the 20th century the farm or house name was always added prior to the first name, and the last name was always the father's first name with "son" added for a boy, or "dotter" (daughter) for a girl. Our family house name was Lorentz. In the 20th century some people began to use the farm or house name as a last name, so then they abandoned the "son of" or "daughter of" convention. Sometimes when they moved to the US they would change it again. So Henry's brother, Eric, took the farm name Lorentz and changed it to Lawrence, and Henry took Lawrence as his middle name and chose a completely different last name. In addition to all of this, some people abandoned the farm name altogether and simply kept passing the father's last name on for all future generations, the way we do. So then a girl would be a "son" instead of "daughter" and the name no longer reflected who the father was (since it always stayed the same).  Examples:  Larson, Olson, Erickson, Johnson.  When Hans moved to the United States he changed his name to Henry Lawrence Dahlgren to sound more American.  We have no idea why he chose the last name Dahlgren.

My Visit to Hans' Childhood Home in Dalarna, Sweden:

Not the best picture, but this is a picture of me, Kendra, and Kessa standing in front of Hans's childhood home in Dalarna, Sweden where he lived in a one bedroom home with his parents and 7 siblings.  The current owners built an extra room and an upper story to the house.  They also painted it and made it look cute.  The paint color is unique to Sweden.  All of the houses are this same color.  I am hoping to paint my door this color some day.  I like to have something in my home from each country my ancestors immigrated.  The new owners of the home built another home on the property that they live in now.  Hans' family home is now used as a guest home.  When Hans and his siblings lived in the home, there was only one bedroom for all of them and they used the second bedroom for company.  They became loggers (lumber) because the ground was impossible to farm.  They were Baptists and were persecuted for not being Lutheran, which is interesting because Ida was Lutheran and Hans' children would grow up in the Lutheran church.   Anna's family was also Baptist.  They moved to the USA for religious freedom.  The tiny village they moved from in Hornberga, Dalarna County, Sweden was made up of families hoping to start a community of Baptists.  Some of Hans' brothers also immigrated to the USA.  His brother Viktor stayed in the family home until he sold it to the couple that lives in the home now.  I met the couple and they have a picture of Viktor on their mantle, which I thought was sweet.  The homes in the area are family homes that were in the same family for generations.

Hans' Home in Minneapolis, Minnesota:

This picture was taken sometime in the 1980's after Hans and Ida had already passed away.  Hans built this home on his own.  He raised his three wonderful children in this home.  My great grandpa Dahlgren (Hans) came from nothing in Sweden and built the American dream in the USA.   He came to the USA with dreams and those dreams were at first shattered.  He didn't blame others and he did not give up.  He somehow got back to the USA.  He worked hard.  Having a modest home, a loving wife, three beautiful children who could attend school to get an education, food on the table, and a steady job was more than Hans could have ever dreamed!  He lived the American Dream!

Hans and Ida's children were a tribute to the type of people they were.  I will do a post on Hans and Ida's children in the future to show what kind of people they grew up to be.  Hans and Ida's children were part of The Greatest Generation.  

Hans' and Ida's children:

You know those old movies where a big band is playing in a glamorous club and everyone is dancing?  My grandparents lived that life.  On the right is my grandma's sister, Lorraine, and Lorraine's husband, Clary (short for Clarence).  On the left is my grandma's brother, Marv (short for Marvin) and my grandma (Eileen).  It's hard to tell in black and white photos, but they all had beautiful blue eyes. 

I was blessed to have grown up around my grandma and her siblings.  I knew my grandma's siblings as Uncle Marv and Aunt Larry.  They grew up in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  They were classy, smart, and kind.  There was always a warm atmosphere when I was around my grandma and her siblings.  The old movies from the 1940's always remind me of them.  Every holiday was picture perfect and could have been on a Hallmark movie.  I miss them so much.  I am saddened that my daughters will not meet them here on this earth.  I miss The Greatest Generation.  It is sad how easily their values and influence have already been forgotten.         

  

 

Realizing My Blessings in 2020, Thanks to My ancestors

I have found, as I study my family history, that I learn so much, not just about my ancestors, but about the areas they lived and what life was like then. Just tonight I looked up the Cholera epidemic (an actual epidemic) that occurred in the mid-1800's. I have two ancestors that died of cholera in Germany during that time period.

The generations living today have it much easier than the generations of our ancestors, yet they were more content. Maybe it has something to do with their outlook? That shouldn't be a question, because I know it had everything to do with their outlook!

We have been given so much more than any other generation yet the generations on the earth at this time are the most ungrateful.

We are living in the most entitled, spoiled era of United States history. There has never been so many that ask what their country can do for them instead of the other way around. There have never been so many that feel they should be given handouts for virtually sacrificing nothing. They just whine and cry because someone else has more than them due to luck, inheritance, or (most likely) hard work. There have never been so many that blame others for the circumstances they live in or were born in instead of working hard in hopes of moving up in life. There have never been so many that expect retributions for being mistreated or their ancestors being mistreated. There has never been so many that blame instead of realizing they are in charge of their own destiny, no matter the obstacles. There have never been so many that do not look outward to see how to help, but constantly think about themselves. There have never been so many that are nonreligious and have turned away from God. It is no wonder our country is in more turmoil than ever before.

Learning about my ancestors has helped me appreciate many of my blessings. They went through much more trying times than any of us, yet they did not blame others or turn away from God. They did not expect handouts. They did not expect to become rich, yet they worked hard and did the best they knew how to move up in the world.

It makes me baffled at the ingratitude that constantly surrounds me on every side. Nothing flabbergasts me more than hearing someone put the USA down. Just for the fact that they were born in the USA, no matter what the circumstances, gives them a head start in life. The more I have learned about history, the more I have come to love the USA. It is not perfect, but it is the best government formed on the face of the earth.

I have come to know my ancestors and their life stories. I feel I know them. I love them, flaws and all. I have decided that I would love to write some of their stories. They each went through hard trials, even the ones that had money. Money does not equal a life full of being carefree and bliss.

I hope that the stories I share about my ancestors will somehow help others, including myself, to realize the blessings we take for granted living our lives of ease in 2020 in the land of the free. I know I will love sharing these stories because although some happened long ago, you will not be able to help having your heart feel something!

I will start out by re-posting a post that I posted awhile ago. I already have many stories in mind that I would love to share, but it is easy to start out with a post I already shared. It isn't the hardest trial I have learned about out of my ancestors' histories, but it does break the heart. I still want a different ending to the love story. Well, here is my first post about my ancestors:

It's All in Her Head

I have had a very difficult time with a sleep schedule for the past ten years. I got PTSD about ten years ago. Every time I would be drifting to sleep, I would start having a nightmare. It was horrible. Not only did I get no sleep, but I was also miserably ill. I was prescribed a medication that would help me sleep at night and it definitely helped. I would take up to four pills a night to be able to sleep along with the medication I would take for my brain stem damage. I guess I should have only been taking 2 pills a night, but I could only sleep when I would take 4. I was given four when I left the hospital one night, so I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I was on the sleep medication for years. It took me a long time and a ton of hard work to get off the medication. I went from 4 pills to 2 pills. I stayed on those two pills for a very long time. Then I would take 1 1/2 pills and so on until I stopped taking the pills all together. I have been off sleep medication for a few years now. I am grateful that I no longer take any pills to get rest, but my sleep cycle has never been good for the past 10 years, and it is still horrible. I have no sleep cycle! haha. My brain is always confused. Some days I can't keep my eyes open and I will fall asleep super early and sleep all night. Other times I am up all night and do not fall asleep until I see the sun coming up. I used to not be able to sleep past 8:00 in the morning when my girls were young, and I would be tired by 10:00 at night. There is some other psychological things that also play into my sleep cycle because of the PTSD. When I had PTSD, nights were scary. The house was silent, no one else was conscious, but I was miserable and my body and mind could not relax. Although I am good now, there is still something about nights that give me feelings of being alone. It feels impossible for my mind to relax. I am not like that during the day anymore. It has taken me a very long time to get where I am at and I want to continue to heal and to be able to have a sleep pattern once again!

One aspect of being physically ill and experiencing PTSD, which entails major anxiety and depression, is that I gained empathy. I was never a person that was depressed. I thought that people with depression just needed to think positive and they could be cured or that they must have had something horrible happen to them in their childhood for them to have depression. I do think that there has been a lot more education on the subject since the time before I got ill, and with the internet, it has helped for others to understand, even if a person has never experienced depression. I do not have depression, but I experienced being depressed because I was physically ill. If someone had told me to just be positive, I think I would have thrown up on them! The moment I physically felt better, I also felt better emotionally. I was back to my happy, perky self. It is amazing how much the physical body is connected to our emotions and mentality. Being depressed for a long period of time due to being physically ill has given me empathy for those that deal with chronic depression. Those with depression are not weak. They are the strong ones. They keep going, which is like a war constantly being fought. I look up to all those that deal with depression or any type of mental disorder. I wish I could make the pain and frustration go away for them. They truly are the strong ones. As far as PTSD, I thought only those that went to war or had a gun pulled on them had PTSD. When I was told I had PTSD, I did not believe it. I just thought I was feeling depressed, constantly scared, unable to sleep, having nightmares, jumpy, having awful thoughts, and constantly trying to avoid all triggers or reminders of the trauma (including any songs that I liked listening to right before I got sick, or eating the cereal I was eating the morning I got sick (it was Cheerios, BTW), or getting on Facebook because I had checked Facebook that morning, or driving by the gym where I worked out before I got sick, or a million (literally it felt like a million) other triggers. I could not listen to church hymns because it reminded me of death and caused me to have triggers. I could not talk about any memory or thing that I liked doing before I got sick without crying. My ears got all whacked out from me constantly crying which did not help. So, I didn't believe I had PTSD even though I had almost every symptom of PTSD. haha. I have learned first hand that one does not have to be a soldier on a battle field or have had a gun pulled on her to get PTSD. PTSD can happen in a split second to anyone.

When a person is completely normal one moment, and the next second the person feels his/her life is being threatened, it can cause an immense amount of panic. No one was home that morning because Brian took the girls with him. I remember feeling excited that I would be able to eat breakfast in a quiet home because that rarely happened. I was usually the one that got breakfast for the kids and got them ready for the day. I was sitting there one moment enjoying breakfast and watching some peppy show, not thinking about anything when I noticed tingling in my feet. I thought maybe my feet were falling asleep, but then I started getting tingling in my hands. It was a very weird sensation, so I stood up to walk around. Then I started losing strength and that is the first time I had a thought that this was not right. I still did not call 9-1-1. I laid down and tried to get in touch with Brian, but by the time he picked up I could barely whisper, "Come home" and I hung up. I then dialed my friend that lived down the street and thank goodness she answered. I just whispered, "Come now." She knew something was off because usually I am like, "HEEEELOOOO!" (Think Seinfield) My friend told me to call 9-1-1, so I did. I don't think that was the moment my mind flipped though, and I won't write about it because it is too hard. I think Brian is the only one that I have shared everything with, and he experienced his own kind of trauma during this period of time also.
I will not relay in this post the horrible time that caused my mind to flip, but I will relay one thought I had in my moment of panic. I was at the hospital after I called 9-1-1 (which I never thought I would call in my life) and I felt I could not breathe. I had to concentrate on taking breaths. I felt the weakest I have ever felt. I thought I was dying right there. The scariest part was that the weakness and shortness of breath happened within a matter of two minutes. It got worse and worse until I could not respond to people. I could not communicate to Brian or anyone around me, so I was alone with my thoughts. I remember trying to come to peace that my sweet girls, ages 3 and 7, would be taken care of and loved enough. Just writing this has made me cry, so I will stop going down that dark mental path. I also will not write about the thoughts I had dealing with PTSD, or I may be sent to a psych ward. All I know is that if someone like me - a person that was always excited about life, a person that found the humor in everything, a person that smiled 90% of the time - could have her world flipped 180 degrees in a split second, that anyone is susceptible to experiencing mental trauma. Part of my mental state also had to do with my doctor not finding anything wrong with me, but I felt physically horrible. I swear he thought it was all in my head. I obviously was dealing with PTSD, so ya, I was a little crazy in the head - but the entire reason I was having mental issues was because of my physical issues! It was the hospital doctors that first realized that I could not breathe well and then it was a neurologist that diagnosed me with my brain disorder. I had been to so many specialists and neurology was the very last place I thought I would ever be diagnosed with something. If one is nauseated and having stomach and bowel issues, the brain is not the place I would think there was a problem.🤷‍♀️ I thought the visit was going to be like all the rest and that nothing would come of it. It took a year to figure out the cause of everything, but thanks to my amazing neurologist, I finally started on a path to healing, which took many more years. The brain is still a mystery. Although my doctor knew the problem, it is hard to come up with any solution to help the symptoms. I feel it is a miracle that with a lot of neurological therapy (yes,that is a thing where one has to do all these balance exercises and hand/eye coordination stuff) and trial testing different medications - my doctor was able to finally find what worked for my brain so I am able to function like a human being again and live life!

It took both Brian and I a long time to not think about my brain disorder or the triggers on a daily basis. The only time I have triggers mentally now is if I have symptoms caused by my brain disorder. It will bring back triggered thoughts immediately. One other aspect that I learned, besides having empathy for others going through hardship, is not to compare. I remember not wanting to tell my friend at the time how I was feeling because she had gone through cancer. She is a very wise person and told me, "How do you know if I had it harder than you? I felt sick for days at a time, not months." (which actually turned into years for me.) Her point was that just because she had cancer did not mean that she was worse off than me who did not have a diagnosis at the time and could not function to even make it to the bathroom on a daily basis. It has helped me to remember that every person has his/her own experience even if he/she has the same disease or disorder. If someone is telling you how she feels, then trust that is exactly how she feels! Don't question it. Every single person's response to medication, surgery, or disease is unique. Our bodies are unique. One person is not mentally more tough than another just because her physical symptoms are very little. That is the biggest bunch of bull honky! I can't judge what another is feeling or going through. Weather it is mental or physical, what matters is caring for the person that is ailing.
This blog post is not about the physical aspect of that time in my life. That is a novel for a different time. Plus, I am not ready to say things like bloody stools and pee, etc. Our mind, body, and spirits are so connected. I did not feel like my prayers were answered for years. I am able to look back and realize the miracles that occurred. It was not the answer I wanted. If I had my way, I would not have a brain disorder. I would switch back in a heartbeat to my physical body before I got ill. I know there are much worse things that I could have been diagnosed with, but the period of time when I did not know what the heck was going on, that was the scariest thing I have ever gone through. My heart hurts for anyone dealing with a life threatening illness or a disorder that affects his/her quality of life. A disorder can take away all quality of life where one does not have much of a life except to get through each day. A disorder can cause other ailments in the body. Although I wish I could change what happened, I can see now that Heavenly Father did place people in our lives at that time to get us through an extraordinarily hard time in every way: physically, mentally, spiritually, and occupationally. Is that a word? haha. My doctor is miracle in my life. I truly feel that being sent to him, especially because I thought it was a joke to be sent to a neurologist, is a miracle! He is a 5'5, maybe 5'6, little guy with an enormous brain! He has used all of his knowledge to help those with my type of brain disorder and others that deal with Parkinson's, MS and other balance disorders. I hugged him once and I could tell it was awkward for him, but I feel like my life is owed to him.

Hope

The past month has been one of uncertainty and chaos due to the Covid-19 pandemic.  People are fearful of losing jobs and businesses.  Others are fearful of contracting the virus.  Some are dealing with the virus or the death of a loved one.

During this tumultuous time, my cousin's sweet baby passed away unexpectedly.  Keira and her husband, David, have already dealt with trials that no parent should endure.  The arrival of a new baby is a time of joy and celebration.  David and Keira have had little time to enjoy the milestones of life with their children.  David and Keira were blessed with a baby boy and then soon after they were blessed with a baby girl.  

 Keira with Baby Payson

                                                         David holding his baby Payson

When their precious baby boy was only three months old, Keira noticed that something was wrong with him.  She rushed to the emergency room to find out that he had a seizure.  He continued having seizures daily for very long periods of time.  They tested baby Payson and found that he has Dravet Syndrome which is a catastrophic type of epilepsy.  Those with Dravet Syndrome have an average life expectancy of 8 years old.  David and Keira went through the emotional turmoil that any loving parent would go through finding out that their seemingly healthy baby will endure so many struggles.  Those with Dravet Syndrome have to have a constant caretaker.  Kiera has been the most loving caretaker and mother to her sweet baby boy.  I read her testimony about how she came to some kind of peace with everything.  I don't think anyone would be at peace with the circumstances, but she placed her faith in Heavenly Father.  "Stellar spirits are often housed in imperfect bodies."  (Russell M. Nelson, Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)

He is sooo cute!

David and Keira found out baby Payson's results when Keira was 36 weeks pregnant with a baby girl.  Baby Kalea was born and David and Keira were able to celebrate her arrival to their family.  She was always happy and content.  She had dark hair and the sweetest smile.  

Baby Kalea in her blessing dress

Baby Kalea with her Grandma Xandra (my 1st cousin)

David and Keira were visiting Keira's mom, my 1st cousin.  It was a special occasion because three out of Keira's four siblings were able to be together.  Keira laid baby Kalea down to take a nap and checked on her multiple times.  When she went to check on Kalea she found that baby Kalea had passed away.  The details of what happened afterwards added to the tragic circumstances.  The police were only doing their job, but they interrogated everyone there.  I know that David and Keira had to have been out of their minds.  

When I found out about baby Kalea, I was in complete shock.  Then I was upset.  It is not fair.  I do not feel this should happen to anyone.  To lose a child is the most horrific trial I feel anyone could go through.  To have to come to grips with finding out about her son and then to lose her baby girl is just too much.  It's too much for the heart to endure.  My mind can't grasp it.  I get angry thinking about it.  Keira has always been a good person.  She has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ and the restored gospel.  She and her husband, David, served missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  They got married in the temple and have desired to start a family.  They have chosen the right throughout their lives.  It just seems so unfair.  

The passing of baby Kalea happened right before our semi-annual church general conference when we are able to listen and watch the Prophet and Apostles.  They talk to those listening about why we are here on this earth, the trials we will face, and the hope and salvation of Jesus Christ.  That is a generic and probably awful definition of everything that is talked about in general conference.  

As I listened to the words being spoken I was uplifted.  Every message was one of hope.  Without hope we will despair.  Without hope there will be fear.  With hope we can endure.  Each message gave me an assurance that this life is temporary.  In this life we will have trials - which I honestly hate!  When we are in the middle of trials or hardships it is easy to get angry, depressed, and lose faith.  I struggle with all of those feelings when I am going through very difficult times.  What I got out of conference is that trials are temporary and only in this lifetime.  Does that make all of my negative feelings go away when I am going through difficult times?  No.  But it does help.  

The Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, President Russell M. Nelson

Every inspired talk and every musical number had the spirit of hope.  There were 8 new temples announced, including ones being built in Shanghai, China and the Arab Emirates.  Joseph's Smith's prophecy of the church spreading forth throughout every continent and being preached in every ear is being fulfilled.  We had the beautiful experience of participating in the Hosanna Shout which reminds us of Palm Sunday.  

Although there were so many profound announcements and even a proclamation to the world, the greatest feeling I gained from listening to the men and women leaders of my church was one of hope.  I thought of my cousin the entire time.  Here are just a few of the inspired words that were spoken by the Prophet and Apostles this past weekend:

The last quote was from a general conference in 2018.  President Nelson has a daughter and wife that passed away years ago.  He knows what it feels to mourn and grieve.  

Every person on this earth influences those around them.  Each of us can help those that are grieving.  President Spencer W. Kimball (a past Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) said, “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other.”  

David and Keira have had an overwhelming outpouring of love and service from others, even in the midst of Covid-19.  Gifts and meals have been dropped off at their doorstep.  People have stood outside and sung uplifting songs.  People are praying and fasting for them to feel peace.  Others have donated towards funeral expenses.  As one can imagine, they already have bills because of Payson's condition.  No one plans to bury a child.  Each form of service is needed and appreciated.  I hope the outpouring of love continues as the months go by.  "When we follow Jesus Christ we act as he would act and love as he would love"  (Russell M. Nelson, Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints)  Every time I think of those in difficult circumstances, I stop and say a prayer.  It may be a short prayer that I just say in my head depending on where I am at the time or what I am doing, but I always say a prayer.  We may never know until the hereafter how praying and listening to the promptings we receive have influenced others.  I know that we are not meant to deal with life's trials on our own.  "Our Heavenly Father never intended we would deal with the maze of personal problems on our own."  (Russell M. Nelson, Prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) 

I am still upset about the passing of Kalea and the trials that some have to endure in this lifetime, but through the atonement of Jesus Christ their is hope and healing.  I know the Lord is aware of David and Keira.  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  (Psalms 34:18)   

I know Keira will see her precious daughter again.  They will come face-to-face and embrace.  They will be together forever because the Savior has shown us that we will conquer death and live forever.  I am blessed knowing that there is hope through Jesus Christ.  He understands every pain, sorrow, and trial we will ever face.  He has made it possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ for each of God's children to heal.  "He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain."  (Revelation 21:4)