The Lost Sheep

I've had a hard time the past couple months listening to the youth talk in Sacrament Meeting.  Am I being judgmental?  Yes, for sure!  It isn't the actual youth speaker that I have a hard time with or even the message being shared.  My feelings come from a desperate mother that was let down by those that I prayed would be a good friend to my daughter.

I was a very obedient girl and teenager.  I didn't always obey every rule in school.  I got in trouble almost everyday for laughing.  Yes, laughing, not talking.  My biggest goal everyday was to make things fun, which doesn't always go the best in a classroom setting.  I also got in trouble for chewing gum, but not as much as talking and laughing.  I spent much of one year in high school making out with my boyfriend.  I am lucky that I cared enough about not wanting to get in trouble that I didn't take it any further than kissing a lot.  I am also grateful that it was just a year and that the rest of my high school years were spent having fun with friends and enjoying dating. I participated in some dumb dares and activities.  Normal high school fun.  I was not dull or boring.  If anything, I was known for having lots of energy and wanting to have fun.  I was once asked by a high school dance photographer if I was drunk.  I had never drunk even a sip of alcohol.  haha.  I guess I could be a spaz sometimes.  However, when it came to the gospel standards, I tried my very best to be obedient.  I didn't want to get close to anything that was dangerous.  I had a wonderful group of friends that also wanted to choose the right.  However, I now realize how uninviting we were to those that were struggling or those that did not like anything about church.  

I think it is normal for teenagers in a high school setting to be selfish.  Teenagers care about how they are perceived and about having fun.  They don't want to spend any of their time and efforts to reach out to someone that may not fit into a certain category or box.  I was a very good girl when it came to living the standards of the church.  However, I was not living the most important part of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I had a great time with everyone in my classes so they knew me as being friendly and kind.  I had my own group of friends that I had a ton of fun with.  Everyone thought I was so friendly and kind.  Teenagers care more about others liking them than caring about others.  Besides superficial kindness, did I truly care about the hurt others may be going through?  No, I cared more about staying with my group of friends and having fun.  Again, I think this is very typical for teenagers, but it still isn't right.  There are teenagers that are lost and struggling.  When one of my friends stopped living the gospel standards, did I accept him anyways?  No.  I was disappointed, which is expected.  Did our group of friends accept him even when he expressed things that were contrary to what we believed?  No.  Did we accept and love him even so?  No.  We weren't mean, we just moved on.  Without him.  We thought we were being righteous.  We didn't want to be around anyone that did not feel and live exactly how we were feeling and living.  I am grateful that I had such a wonderful high school experience.  I look back on my high school experience with mom goggles now though.

I have two beautiful daughters.  They are nothing alike.  I mean, yes, they are both beautiful, talented, and loveable.  They see life and respond to life completely different though.

In August of 2021, Kendra was off to college and Kessa was starting her Sophomore year of high school.  I was extremely sad that Kendra was not going to be living in our house everyday.  My concentration had been on Kendra's senior year, her graduating, and her going off to college.  Although the transition was somewhat hard, I was excited to be able to focus primarily on Kessa.  Kessa worked very hard to make the pom team at her high school.  She is a beautiful dancer.  I was looking forward to continuing to go to all the football and basketball games and to see Kessa involved with the student body.  Kendra loved high school.  She had an absolute blast and had wonderful friends.  I was hopeful that Kessa would have a similar experience.  Kessa went to pom camp before school started and had sooo much fun.  Everyone on the pom team thought she was hilarious and so much fun.  Because she is!  At the very beginning of the year it seemed Kessa was having a great time at school, on the pom team and with friends.  It did not last long though.  Brian and I noticed changes in Kessa.  

Unfortunately, Kessa was introduce to others by her best friend that were not doing good things with their lives.  Kessa got involved in activities that put her in danger.  I am grateful that Brian had worked with teenagers as a bishop that he noticed things off with Kessa right away.  He was very good about asking Kessa certain questions.  She finally admitted some of what was going on.  Brian told me that anyone that confesses never says the entirety of the situation the first time.  The problem was much greater than what we first realized.  I am grateful that Kessa was open with us.  When someone is in the midst of chaos, it is impossible to see clearly.  It was a shock to me and Brian that Kessa participated in things that we had taught her to never do.  We have Family Home Evening every week, Come Follow Me, and go to church on Sundays.  We have taught both Kendra and Kessa the gospel standards and why they are important.  The situation with Kessa was a shock to us.

Brian and I did our very best to help Kessa.  We basically told her that she can't hangout with anyone that is doing bad things.  It is not easy for a person to change that is stuck in a situation.  Kessa was addicted to certain substances that are extremely hard to just quit.  Kessa was lost.  She wanted to obey the rules that Brian and I set forth for her.  She was trying very hard.  At this point, I felt that everything that could make things harder for Kessa, happened.  It was heart breaking.

Kessa felt alone.  Besides me and Brian, she felt she had no one.  She was no longer able to be with her best friend or those that were making bad choices.  Being accepted and having friends is a huge thing for a teenager.  Kessa had always had friends and she suddenly felt like she had no one.  Kessa tried very hard to go out with those that were choosing the right.  Kessa tried to make other friends.  One day she had to dance at a football game.  We brought her to the game.  Kessa asked one of the pommies if she could go with her to the after party.  The pommy told her yes.  As soon as the game ended, the pommy disappeared.  Kessa tried to text and call her but the girl ignored her.  This brought up feelings and thoughts in Kessa about how she lost her best friend, how the other "friends" that were making bad choices wanted nothing to do with her anymore and harassed her because she had told her parents about the bad choices everyone was participating in (great friends, hu?), and every time she tried to do something with someone that was supposedly "good" the person would ghost her.  She came home that night and had a relapse.  She wanted to numb her hurt.  She had gotten in the habit of numbing her hurt or anxiety.  We had no idea that she even had any substances at our house.  Kessa came home after being ditched and asked us if she could go hangout at another girl's house.  The girl lives the standards of the gospel and so we felt great about her going to her house.  Unfortunately, Kessa did not understand how strong the alcohol was that she drank before she went to the girl's house.  She ended up being drunk in front of at least 25 "good" LDS kids.  It was the worst possible experience that could have happened at the time.  We tried to spin it into something that would be good.  We were hopeful that the kids that were there would make a special effort to invite Kessa to do things with them.  I mean, they are part of the gospel of JESUS CHRIST, right?  Some of them knew Kessa since she was young and were very concerned for her, in the moment.  Kessa was so embarrassed the next day.  She was humiliated.  Sadly, things did not go in a better direction for Kessa.  Kessa now had a bad reputation with the "good" LDS kids.

Kessa was reminded about the night she was drunk almost everyday at school.  She wanted to move on, but it was hard when it was constantly being brought up to her.  When Kessa would come up to LDS friends that had known her for years, one of them would ask, "Kessa, are you high?"  It hurt Kessa.  She would laugh it off, but it actually hurt.  Her peers obviously did not know how hard it is to stop an addiction.  She was not recognized for her efforts in working hard to have better habits.  She was not recognize for her strengths and talents.  She was only known for her addictions and bad choices.

Kessa told me many times that the kids she really wanted to hangout with, and that she always had fun with, were the kids she was with the night she got drunk.  They are a big group of "good"  LDS kids.  After that night, though, Kessa was labeled a "bad" influence.  She was ignored most of the time when she would text to hangout.  No one would respond to her.  One of her friends told her that some of the kids did not want to hangout if she was going to be there and that is why she was not invited.  Kessa rarely went out at this point because she had no one to hangout with.  She told me many times that the group was so much fun, but they would not accept her because of her reputation.  Kessa showed up at a get-together about a month after the night kids witnessed her drunk.  One of the boys told her, "My mom always asks me when I get home from hanging out if you were there.  She told me that I can't be near you."  Kessa said, "Does she know that I don't do things like that anymore?"  The boy responded, "She wouldn't care if I told her that.  She isn't going to forgive someone that has gotten drunk."  This crushed Kessa.  I had to stay calm in front of Kessa.  That is just one of the many times kids told Kessa they couldn't hangout with her because their parents told them not to.  It pissed me off!!!!!  It still pisses me off!   

We had many talks about choosing good friends and about the atonement of Jesus Christ.  Kessa truly had the desire to be around good friends, but no one wanted to be her friend because of her reputation.  What truly pissed me off the most were the LDS parents.  Instead of teaching their teenagers what Christ would do, they taught them the opposite.  They taught them that Kessa and others that are struggling with addictions, or have gotten involved in bad situations, are not worth anything.  Teenagers like Kessa don't deserve good friends or love from those that are living the standards of the gospel.  They are teaching their children that they are better than those whose sins have been shown to the world.  They are also teaching their children that if they transgress then they are less loved by them.  How are teenagers supposed to believe that they will be forgiven when the examples around them are so judgmental and unforgiving?  

Another thing that truly makes me angry and sad to this day is that none of what those parents are teaching is what is taught in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  We are taught to embrace those that are lost and bring them into the fold.  Here there was a huge group of teenagers that are living the gospel standards, yet the parents are worried about one girl?  She is one, tiny girl out of a big group of "good" LDS kids...what are they so afraid of?  Do they really think she is going to hangout with "good" LDS kids and corrupt them?  Her desire was to be around "good" LDS kids.  Sadly, those kids did not accept her even though they think she is so fun and cute because they can't get past her mistakes.  It is because of the teenager's parents.  They have taught their children to hangout with good kids.  I have taught my girls the same.  It is one thing if a child makes friends that are bad influences.  It is another to invite someone that is not living the gospel standards to be part of your good group of friends.  What Kessa learned from her experience is that LDS kids are judgmental and she is not good enough to be around them.  I told her that those teenagers do not understand the atonement of Jesus Christ and to not take it personal.  She knows in her mind that what I told her is true, but I am not so sure if her heart believes it.  I want those parents to know that their children had the opportunity to truly be like Christ.  I was so hopeful and prayerful that the situation with Kessa would end up being a testimony building opportunity for her, but it was the opposite.  How you act towards others does make a difference for good or bad.  In the situation with Kessa, she is the one that needed rescuing.  She is the one that needed others to envelope her and accept her, sins and all.  It is extremely hard for me to forgive those parents and teenagers.  They have no clue what a difference it would have made in Kessa's life if they had befriended her instead of judged her.

Parable of the lost sheep:

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders  and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’  I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

It is heart wrenching as a parent to watch everything unfold.  I prayed and fasted that there would be a good group of fun kids that would reach out to Kessa.  I thought the group that Kessa desired to hangout with was an answer to prayers, but unfortunately, the parents of those teens behaved the opposite of how Christ would have behaved and it hurt Kessa deeply.  None of the kids stood up for Kessa or told the judgmental kids that it would be a great opportunity to befriend someone that is hurting.

I felt like telling those parents that I hope they never have to deal with the kind of heartbreak of having a child that is lost and in the dark.  I also wanted to tell them to stop living in a freaking bubble.  99%s of that group of kids has looked at porn or is addicted to porn.  It is a statistic.  Not an opinion.  I hope that their children feel comfortable enough to come to them when they are struggling with an addiction, or have transgressed.  Because FYI, everyone sins.  Brian told me that it was extremely rare to have a teenager come to him as a bishop that never tried vaping or alcohol.  It is everywhere now.  Our kids will not go through life without it being all around them.  It is rare for a child to not have tried something at least once.   

Kessa told me that she has never felt so accepted by others than she did with the big group of friends that were making horrible choices.  I guess misery loves company and all that.  But, what she said was true.  Those kids accepted everyone that came to hangout with them.  How sad that the miserable kids were so accepting and the LDS "good" kids were so judgmental and hurtful.  I don't think they think of themselves as judgmental or hurtful.  They think of themselves as righteous.  That is sad to me that they think because they are living the standards that they are righteous. The best way to be close to Christ is to love others, especially those that are desperate and hurting.  We should be there for those that are lost and struggling.  That is how to become closer to Christ.

Kessa was desperate for friends.  I wish that she didn't care about having friends because things would have been easier.  She became friends with some kids that weren't doing bad things, but I was still wary of.  I lost trust in everything and everyone.  Kessa went to a party one night.  A girl that she had hung out with when she was not doing good things was jealous of Kessa because the boy she liked, liked Kessa.  Don't even get me started on boys!  Ugh!!!!!  Anyways, the girl got two HUGE girls to beat up Kessa at the party.  These girls looked like they could be part of the WNBA.  So, these two girls start beating up 90 pound Kessa. What do the other teenagers do that are at the party?  Do they try to break the fight up?  Do they stand up for Kessa?  No!  They all whip out their phones and start filming the fight.  I could never get myself to watch the videos that were recorded.  I don't know how to describe the feelings and thoughts that run through a parent's mind when everything seems to go wrong no matter how much we pray and are hopeful for our child.  We just wanted others to uplift Kessa and to help her, but it was the opposite.  I did watch the very beginning of the video to see the girls that beat up my precious daughter, but I would not watch my daughter being punched and kicked.  What was the nail in Kessa's emotional coffin was seeing that her "best friend" sat and filmed it also.  Kessa missed her best friend so badly.  Kessa is very loyal.  She never talked badly about her best friend or let anyone else say anything bad about her best friend.  Being beaten up in front of an extremely large crowd and seeing her best friend film and laugh the was the lowest moment.  Kessa is still trying to process it and she is still mourning.  

We pulled Kessa out of her classes at the high school she was attending and signed her up for online classes.  Kessa had been confronted by the same girl the weekend before the big fight.  The girl saw Kessa going into Circle K as she was driving by in her car.  The girl made a u-turn and went into Circle K.  Kessa saw when the girl walked into Circle K and was scared.  Kessa ran into the bathroom.  The girl and her friends could not find Kessa, so they checked the bathroom and found Kessa.  The girl was angry at Kessa and called her a whore because the boy the girl liked did not like her, but liked Kessa.  So stupid!!!!  It's not Kessa's fault if a boy likes her!  It's ridiculous!  The kids that Kessa had hungout with when she was making bad choices are very, very lost.  They have chips on their shoulders.  They fight against any authority and pretty much against anyone that does not tell them what they want to hear.  We did not feel Kessa was safe in anyway.  There was also a boy that dealt drugs at the high school that would harass Kessa ever since she decided to not hangout with anyone doing drugs or participating in activities that were harmful. 

My sweet, full of life Kessa became a shell of herself.  Kessa became part of my every waking moments.  I stopped sleeping.  I ate horribly.  I stopped caring about anything else but my daughter.  Brian and I did everything we could to save our precious Kessa.  

Kessa is still going through mourning.  She is going through mourning friends, or those she thought were friends.  She is mourning what could have been.  She is mourning the life she knew before this year from hell.  She is mourning innocence.  She is mourning her trust in others.  I don't know how to rebuild Kessa.  You can tell someone how wonderful and beautiful and talented they are - but I am just the mom.  I have told her how precious she is from the time she was little.  I have told her she is a daughter of God, but I don't even know if she believes in God now.  

And just FYI, Kendra was like me when I was in high school.  She also has an inner confidence (self worth) and so she is confident in who she is.  When Kendra was in high school she accepted everyone, including those that were struggling with addictions or other vices.  I would often ask her to invite someone that was struggling to do something with her friends.  I am not sure if she did invite whoever it was that I told her to think about inviting.  The point is that I knew that Kendra was solid.  She was obedient, still is, and she knows who she is.  The gospel makes sense to her and she feels that living the gospel brings her peace.  So, as a parent, I felt that she should strive to be more aware of those that were struggling.  Why would I teach my daughter who is doing what is right to not hangout with those that are struggling?  Some parents forget to teach their children to invite others and accept everyone because their children have a great group of friends and are not struggling.  There are many outwardly "good" kids that are struggling in secret.  They are ashamed.  They don't want to admit to anyone that they have addictions or struggles.  They want to live "righteously" when they are around others, but they struggle with inner demons when alone.  It easy to judge those whose sins are made public.  I remember going to church one Sunday and sitting behind a family that I had never seen before.  I have a very hard time with nicotine.  It makes me feel sick right away.  The family in front of me reeked of smoke (nicotine).  As I sat there having a hard time breathing in the nicotine, I had the thought, "What if everyone's sins stunk?"  If everyone's sins stunk when they walked into church, the person smelling like nicotine would smell like roses compared to everyone else.  Church is for sinners.  Everyone no matter their addictions or sins should feel invited and accepted.  It's easy to be self righteous when everyone perceives you as being "good" and all your sins are in secret.

Kessa has a huge chunk of my heart.  Without her I feel like I would not want to continue living.  It is excruciating to watch the most precious person crumble.  

We are doing everything we can to build Kessa up, but we can't force her to feel self-worth inside.  That is what it comes down to.  Kessa did not know her self-worth and that is why she chose to follow those doing bad things.  Kessa has been taught what is right.  She has been taught that she is a precious daughter of God.  She has been hugged and told "I love you" multiple times everyday of her life.  I am not Kessa so I do not know exactly how she feels.  I do know that she is an amazing young woman.  I know that she is worthy of love.  She is worthy of good friends.  She is worthy of acceptance by others.  Kessa is my everything.  I love her so much.  It saddens me that she was taken advantage of (I did not go into that aspect of her experience this past school year), betrayed by those she loved, and abused in EVERY way.  

Yes, Kessa made her own choices to start doing things that were not right.  She also made the choice to start trying to change for the better.  Unfortunately, trying to do what is right made everything harder for her.  Instead of others building her up, she was torn down, especially by those that should know better.  

I have been a positive person.  I love having fun!  I find humor in situations easily.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I feel blessed to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  This experience has been heart wrenching.  It has not made me lose any of my faith in the gospel.  The people that are in the church are not the gospel.  I forgive others easily.  When it comes to this situation however, it has been much more difficult for me to forgive.  I listen to some of the teenagers talk about what a great experience they had at FSY and all about how they love the gospel.  Yet, I have watched them do the opposite of what Christ would do.  Again, I have been guilty of the same behavior and attitudes.  It is extremely hard to watch a situation unfold that could have gone in a completely different direction if others had stepped up.  I sometimes feel naive and stupid to believe that those in the gospel would be the ones to love and accept my Kessa.  Like I mentioned, I have not always been perfect at being accepting and unjudgmental.  None of us are perfect and we all sin.  I have been way less than perfect and I have sinned.  As a mother, all I wanted was for my daughter to be accepted.  It pains my heart still.  I hope that I can forgive and let go.  I hope that Kessa can choose on her own that she is worthy with or without others acceptance.

This is only a smidgen of the experiences we have gone through this past school year.  We are still trudging uphill and fighting the good fight.  I am learning so much about myself.  I thought I understood the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I thought I had the tools to parent.  Every child is different.  I don't have all the tools I need!  I am learning and stretching.  Stretching is not comfortable.  I have a long ways to go.

This has opened my eyes to what other parents and teenagers may have gone through or are going through.  It is so easy to judge how others parent.  What I have realized is that no one else knows what the heck they are talking about when it comes to other's situations.  They do not have the entire picture.  They are judging off of their perception.  It is not the actual truth.  I do know one fact in all of this, I have loved my children beyond any love I have ever felt in my lifetime or will ever feel in my lifetime.  My daughters have been my world.  I love them with my entire heart and would do anything for them.  I am learning that I can't fight their battles.  I can support, teach, and encourage, but I can't force.  They have to do the work themselves.  They have to fight their own battles.  They will go through hard times.  A parent can love, encourage, support, discipline, and do everything perfectly and still have a child that chooses differently.  I would love if my children went through life with no mistakes, heartaches, or transgressions - but then I would be following Satan's plan.  Having struggles and overcoming them makes a person stronger.  

 

One last thought, which is actually huge!  Family is everything.  Kessa has grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins that love her unconditionally.  They have been there for her during this hard time.  We are soooo blessed to have the family support.  Kessa knows that she has the best family and that they love her.  Her family has made an enormous impact on her.  She knows that she has been blessed with the best grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Her sister means the world to her.  They are blessed to have each other.

I have struggled sharing this blog post.  I finally decided to put it out there no matter if the truth hurts for some people.    

            

     

Random Things I Feel Strongly About in no Certain Order

No one would ever say I am passive.  I am a passionate, opinionated person.  I feel strongly about some things and I have no opinion about others.  Here are a few things I am very opinionated about.  I don't care if you think differently, I know I am right.  😁

Beards:  No!  Just NOOOOOO!!!!  The fad has GOT. TO. Go!  I don't care how well you groom the pubes on your face, they still look ratchet!  Brian knows he ain't getting any smooches or bow-chica-bow-wow if there is scruff on his face.  I don't appreciate kissing a brillow pad or getting rashes on my face after making out.  What are the guys with beards trying to hide?  Their face?  I just figure that guys with beards must be ugly af (as fungus) that insist on having a beard.  What are they trying to hide?  Obviously, their face!  If you feel that bad about your looks then keep it up.  I want to see what my man looks like.  I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and freak out because I think I squished little Bandit in my sleep!  The same goes for the porn stash.  Shave your little fuzzy caterpillar friend off your upper lip.  It's ain't working like you think.    

G-String swim suits:  This one needs its own blog post because I have a ton of opinions about floss underwear.  Okay, I get why a girl would rather wear g-string underwear when wearing certain clothes to hide any lines.  But floss swimsuit bottoms?  NO WAY!  Just EWE!  EWE!!  EWE!!!!  

HOW?!  How did this become the norm at the pool or beach?  I don't want to see how long your butt crack is or the dimples in your flabby cheeks.  I don't want to see if you have a perky butt, a bubble butt, or a saggy butt.  I don't have any desire to go to the beach and have butts everywhere.  First, hello! SAND!  You already have a string up your butt, but now you want sand to be up your butt and other holes?  And don't give me the utter crap about being confident about your body.  A girl can be confident about her body and not want every person they come across to see everything but her hoo ha. I was confident about my body when I was young and I didn't have the desire for every person I came across to see every curve of my body.  

Want to know why girls will wear floss up their butts even though it is so uncomfortable?  It's for attention!  There is absolutely NO other reason why girls would wear a string up their butt crack for any other reason.  I don't care what the argument is, there is no other reason!  The youth today like to think they are feminists and all about women.  BLAH!  That is crap!  They want to attract men, but only the men they choose.  How dare a guy check them out when they are practically naked, unless of course, it is a guy they think is hot.  If a man lusts after them because of what they are wearing then they blame it on the man.  They take no responsibility for what a man thinks or feels.  

I have asked my girls, "If your guy friends showed up at the beach wearing a thong with his balls hanging out, would it be kinda hard not to notice?  Would it be hard for it not to affect you or what you were thinking about?"  Obviously, the answer is yes, it would be impossible not to notice.  Then I ask, "What if you said something about how you felt it is gross and that they need to cover up their man twins and the guy's response is that it is your problem for thinking it is distracting?"  In ways that mentality is true, but it is also selfish.  The point is that it's impossible for guys not to constantly be thinking about a girl's lady bits when the girl has everything on display! How are boys supposed to concentrate on just having fun and enjoying getting to know you?  It's impossible for their minds not to have your lady bits in the back of their mind, or more likely the forefront of their minds.  But the feminists today don't want to think they have any responsibility about it.  Yes, it is the guy's choice to think perverted thoughts, but the girls make it impossible for guys to not think perverted thoughts.  If a guy was walking on the beach with his dingeling bouncing everywhere, I would have to go somewhere else or look at my feet so I would not catch sight of it.  Boys in 2022 have got some major self control.  I can guarantee they don't have the most clean thoughts though, and it is not all their fault.  

If a man touches a woman or is harassing a woman, in no way is it the woman's fault.  It doesn't matter what the woman was wearing.  She could be naked and it still would not be her fault.  However, for a girl to have a bandaid worth of material covering her nipples and her taco barely covered by a Dorito sized triangle of material and expect men to not be thinking perverted thoughts is selfish.  Or if a boyfriend or husband does not feel comfortable going out with someone that looks like a streetwalker, the younger generations think that is sexist.  It isn't sexist!  Would you want to go out with a guy that had his butt cheeks hanging out and no shirt on?  No thank you!  Back to the thong swimsuit bottoms.  It is all for attention.  That's it. It isn't comfortable in any way.  So, why wear them?  For guys!  That's the only reason.  Way to go you feminists.

Whew!!  We got past that one.  On to the next...

Definition of a Woman: A person born with a vagina and has two X chromosomes.  If your child is walking around saying, "A woman has many meanings.  A woman is whatever you want."  Then you are doing a fantastic job of teaching your child to appease liars!  There are only two sexes:  Female and Male.  A female can't be a man and a male can't be a woman.  It is biologically and scientifically impossible.  You can wish as much as possible to be the opposite sex, but if you tell yourself you are the opposite sex then you are lying to yourself.  That would be a psychological issue.  Not a biological issue.

The primary female sex hormones are estrogen and progesterone.  Estrogen is the main female hormone, with most being produced from OVARIES, and small amounts from the adrenal glands and fat cells.  Estrogen has a hand in reproductive and sexual development.  Estrogen affects EVERY LIFE STAGE of women.  

If you don't know what it feels like to start growing breasts and starting your period in junior high and then having to swim in gym class with the boy's gym class and being humiliated that all the boys will see you in your swimsuit and also worrying about your period leaking out - then YOU ARE NOT A GIRL!  You have no idea what it is like to be a girl.  You have no idea what it is like to have boys say derogatory comments about your body.  You have no idea what it is like comparing your body to other girls.  You have no idea what it is like to have excruciating, debilitating period cramps every month.  You have no idea what it is like going to the OBGYN for the first time and having a doctor stick a cold, metal device up your ying-yang and then stretch it to kingdom come.  You have no idea what it is like to go through IVF in hopes that you get pregnant and then be told that it didn't take.  You have no idea what it is like to be sick for months on end while being pregnant.  You have no idea what it is like to see your young, tight body being stretched out and seeing stretch marks start appearing on your body.  You have no idea what it is like to feel a baby moving inside of you.  You have no idea what it is like to go through labor and to give birth to a child.  You have no idea what it is like to go through menopause (neither do I - yet.)  You can't decide to suddenly be in a swim competition with girls that have gone through every stage of being a woman and working extremely hard their entire girlhood to be able to swim in NCAA swim competitions.  You can't decide that you are a girl and go through nothing that women go through.  YOU ARE NOT A GIRL!!!!!  No matter what operation you get or hormones you want to inject into yourself, you still are not a girl.  You will never have the biology of a woman.  You will never know what it feels like to be an actual woman.  You will never be a woman because you were born a man and will always be a man.

It is not cruel to tell a transgender person that they aren't the opposite sex just because they decided they want to be the opposite sex of what they were born.  It is cruel to appease a lie.  If I tell you that I am a dog, you know that I am not an actual dog no matter how much I act like a dog.  

Just because the woke crowd has decided that in 2022 that a person can be anything, does not make it the truth!  So, suddenly a small group of people in 2022 know more than every generation that has ever been on the earth since the beginning of time?  Nope!  They are more idiotic than any other generation since the beginning of time.  Science is far more advanced than ever in history, yet there is not one iota of science that says that a person can be the opposite sex of what he/she was born.  Science proves that there are females and males.  Period.  You can't be more than one person either.  You aren't a "they" or a "them".  That is plural.  You are ONE person.  That's it.  If you need help knowing what you are then I have the key to figure it out.  Go in the bathroom and shut the door.  Pull your pants off and look down.  You either have something hanging there or you don't.  If something is hanging down then you are a boy (singular).  If you have nothing hanging down then you are a girl (singular).  

The world has gone absolutely insane!  Most of the youth that decide they are LGBTQ are trying to fill a void because they are confused.  Now that being part of the LGBTQ community has become the popular thing, the LGBTQ community has risen in numbers.  The youth are very vulnerable and trying to figure out who they are in this crazy world.  They have propaganda about wokeness constantly being thrown in their faces.  My daughter has a friend that decided she was gay.  She admitted that she wasn't gay before, but she decided now that she was gay.  It is happening more and more.  It gives a person an identity of some sort and a purpose.  It's twisted.  These kids have no idea who they are.  

Men's primary sex hormone is testosterone.  

Did you know that when scientist test skeletal remains from thousands of years ago that they can tell if it was a boy or a girl?  The genetic difference between men and women is 15 times greater than between two men or two women.  The X and Y chromosomes function throughout the entire body, not just within the reproductive tract.  We are not unisex, and our bodies know this.  Every cell knows it at the molecular level.

Well, that's it for now.  I could write about a million more strong opinions I have.  Again, I don't really care if someone has a different opinion.  I know I am right.  haha.  It won't matter to me if someone has a differing view because it won't change my view.  This is my blog to write exactly how I feel.  If someone is offended then that is not on me.  It would be like having to think about every person's feelings while writing in my journal.  I'm not writing for your feelings.  I am writing what I think and feel.  

The last words I will leave here in this blog post is:  Being offended is a choice.  If you are offended, go out and serve someone.  It will take your mind off of yourself. 

Yesterday was the Last Day I Got to Make Out with My Bishop

Brian was released as bishop of our ward today after 5 years of service.  I gave Brian a kiss yesterday at the state championship high school football game and jokingly started making out with him.  I am constantly trying to get reactions out of Brian, so he knew I was just being a booger.  I told him, "Today is my last day that I get to make out with my bishop." 

(This was not our faux make out session.  I told Brian to pose for this picture and he was super excited.) 😆

In October of 2016 I attended my 20 year high school reunion.  I ran into a friend from high school, Kris Heaps.  He had recently been released as his ward's bishop.  I asked him if it was a relief to be done as bishop.  He told me that he missed being the bishop and that he would have loved to have served longer.  It surprised me at the time.  One month later, Brian was called as our ward's bishop.  I now understand some of the emotions that Kris felt after being released.  I mean, Brian knows more about how Kris was feeling, but I definitely have felt a loss today.  

Brian served in two bishoprics when we were in our 20's.  I realize now how young we were!  We were busy, but life was ideal.  I remember being a little upset when I was turning 30 years old.  I thought it was so old!  I wanted to stay young forever.  I decided to write a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish in my 30's.  Instead of being in a slump, I became highly motivated.  I had a set schedule everyday.  I was running and working out everyday.  More importantly, our family was in wonderful habits of having the gospel in our home.  We read scriptures every day, memorized Articles of Faith and scripture mastery scriptures, had great Family Home Evenings, and had gospel music on throughout the week.  I always did my visiting teaching and I served in stake and ward callings.  I had so many dreams including going back to college and also getting my high school body back (haha!).  I also was trying to decide if we should adopt or do IVF again.  I for sure wanted at least one more child.

(Don't I look soooo old?  I'm practically decrepit.  haha!)

  

Unfortunately, I got very sick a short while after I turned 30.  I was unable to function and I had two young children at home.  It was apparent that after a few months that I was not getting any better.  Brian was serving in a bishopric for the second time at that point. Brian had to be home to take care of the girls and the house.  We were struggling.  Brian needed to be released from his responsibilities in the bishopric.  I went throughout my 30's not feeling well and having to rely on others to help with my children.  The great FHE lessons that I would prepare each week became a 2 minute discussion with our girls on a gospel topic.  We went without family scripture study for about a year or two, but started it up again.  It was never how it was before.  We didn't spend time discussing the scriptures like we did in the past.  We were just doing our best by reading them.  I missed church half the time because I did not feel well.  It took a lot of effort going to church.  I started putting a lot more effort into going when Kessa started thinking that she could stay home from church. When that didn't work she started saying she didn't feel well in hopes that she could stay home with me.  It was difficult to get to church each week, but I was determined. 

 

(This is the first Bishopric that Brian served in.  We do not have a picture of the second bishopric he served in.)

I can't believe that I thought 30 was so old!  I wish that I could have lived my 30's with health and strength!  I still have a very hard time thinking about my 30's.  My girls were in the stage of life where I would have been most involved if I had never gotten sick.  It still upsets me that I was not able to be the mom that I know I would have been.  I did my very best under the circumstances. 

It was around 2015 that my neurologist prescribed me a different medication than the ones that we experimented previously (there were a lot!).  It was a miracle to our family that I started having better days.  I had not gone through a day for seven years without being nauseated (motion/sea sick) and/or having migraines.  I didn't feel better right away.  At first I would just feel better in the mornings.  I had not driven for seven years, and I was able to finally drive every once in awhile.  I still got sick on-and-off.  I had to be careful what I did.  My brain still needed lots of quiet, relaxation time.  

Brian and I were not expecting to be called into visit with the Stake President in November of 2016.  Brian and I had been serving as partners in the primary for a few years.  The bishop of our ward put us as partners because he knew that I needed someone to be there in case I was sick.  Brian and I could not figure out why we were being called into meet with the stake president.  We were confused.  I was in shock when the Stake President asked Brian to be the bishop of the Elliot Groves Ward.  I truly believed that we were done with any callings that had a great amount of responsibility.  We accepted the calling, but I was nervous.  The last time Brian had been serving in a bishopric I got extremely ill and I was nervous it would happen again.  I was still nervous to be on my own and to be independent in any way.  I learned first hand that just because someone is living righteously does not exempt the person from major trials.  A calling does not exempt anyone from trials and hardships.  It took a great deal of faith when Brian was first called as bishop when he would leave our house every day to serve the ward.  I did not want to make Brian worry about me, so I did not say anything about my fears to him.  I wanted him to be able to concentrate on others that were struggling.  I knew first hand how special a bishop is when in time of need.  Fortunately, the medication that I have taken since 2015 is a type of medication that has more benefits the longer a person takes it.  I have been very blessed that we finally found a medication to help my brain stem function.  I finally was able to function like a healthy human being.

Another issue I had was that I thought that I had to be a cookie cutter bishop's wife.  I pictured one of my bishop's wives that would bake homemade bread for the sacrament each week.  She knew how to sew.  She was always soft spoken.  She had six kids that sat through church like angels.  I expressed my concern about being a bishop's wife to the stake president.  He told me that my responsibility was to support Brian.  He also told me that I am not the mother of the ward.  Being bishop was Brian's calling, not mine.  His words helped me to just be myself instead of worrying about trying to be like anyone else.

We had no clue or indication that Brian was going to be called as a bishop.  What amazed us was that the moment he was set apart there was a huge difference.  It was a testimony to us that the mantle of a bishop is real.  It was a testimony to me that the priesthood keys are real.  Suddenly Brian was responsible for caring and guiding a ward.  Brian could feel Heavenly Father helping him help others.  Brian has always been a loving, caring, self-assured person.  Being bishop just magnified his gifts.  Brian leaned on Heavenly Father and was able to help others the way Heavenly Father would help them.

These past five years have been wonderful!  I know being bishop has blessed Brian.  It has also blessed me personally.  I was nervous to be on my own and to be independent when he was first called.  I quickly became independent and gained more self-confidence than I had since before I got sick.  If I had never gotten sick, I know Brian would have still been a wonderful bishop because he is a wonderful man.  But...I know that because of the hardships that we went through that it helped us to be more empathetic to those that are suffering.  It definitely helped me to desire for Brian to go out and help others.  I never had a hard time when Brian was not home because I knew others needed him more at that time.  

I expressed to Brian many times that as a bishop's wife I never knew anything going on in the ward.  I think that it was a blessing.  I have never had the need to know the scoop on what other people are going through.  Or, I should say, I do not need to know details or any information.  If someone says, "So-and-so is going through a hard time" then that is enough for me to start praying for them.  Brian never shared anything that others told him in private when meeting with him.  I love him even more for caring so much about others.  I am very grateful that those that needed to meet with him were able to go to him in confidence knowing that it was between them and the Lord.  I wanted others to be able to go to Brian and have their burdens lifted.  I desired for others to go to Brian and be able to feel a portion of how much the Savior loves them.  I never had a hard time when Brian was gone doing bishop duties.  I never knew who he was meeting with or who he was serving, but I was grateful that Brian was able to be there for them.  I know how much Brian loves Heavenly Father and that is why he loves Heavenly Father's children.  Heavenly Father magnified Brian's gifts so that he could help others.

Brian has absolutely loved those he has served.  He is struggling not being able to meet with those that he has come to love.  He cares deeply about the individuals he has worked with.  Brian has told me many times that when anyone meets with him that he gets a sense of how Heavenly Father sees the person.  

I know that Brian has helped lift other's burdens.  He has shown others how much the Savior loves them and that through the atonement of Jesus Christ that they can be made whole.

I am constantly finding conference talks that Brian has printed out laying around the house.  I know that he had someone on his mind and that is why he looked up the talk.  Brian would say long prayers at night.  I would be laying in the dark after I was done with my prayers just waiting for him to be done so that we could talk.  I know he was praying about individuals and families in our ward.  

I had the opportunity to share my testimony today when Brian was released.  I spilled the beans that next week will be our last week in the Elliot Groves Ward because we are moving.  I didn't realize that Brian had not told our stake president yet that we were moving.  So whoops on my part.  We were standing around after Sacrament Meeting today and Kendra said, "There is no way anyone could love another bishop as much as dad."  I thought it was so cute!  It shows how much my girls love their dad.  He is truly perfect in their eyes.  They have also loved him being bishop.  They used to fight over which one of them got to sit by Brian during church.  I always sat by Brian, so there was only one other person that could sit by him.  We started having the girls take turns.  They were upset that they were not going to be able to sit by him during church when he was first called to bishop, but they soon realized after he was called that there were many other perks to having their dad as bishop.  They got to raid his office for candy each Sunday.  Brian attended most of their activities, which they absolutely loved.  Brian was involved with the youth.  All of our girl's interviews were given by Brian.  Often times those interviews were given at home.  We also had access to the building during Covid and when the girls wanted to practice for cheer or pom (shhhhh...I don't think we were supposed to do that, but sometimes ignorance is bliss.)

I could go on and on about the blessings that we have received these past five years with Brian as our bishop.  It is a unique position to be in since there are not that many bishops.  I can't imagine what it is like to be the prophet and have no other person on the earth that has that calling.  Being a bishop is a very hands-on calling that influences many people.  Brian has always been an example of Christlike love no matter his calling or station in life.   

I knew last week was the last week that Brian was going to be bishop.  He was sitting on the stand and I had tears streaming down my face.  I am happy I was in the front row and able to hide my face with my hair or people would have been wondering what in the world was going on.  I got an overwhelming feeling of how much Heavenly Father loves Brian.  I also thought of Pop and how proud he would be of Brian.  Not because he was bishop but because Brian is pure of heart and loves others.

(I snuck this picture of Brian last week as he was sitting on the stand)
  

It is always shocking to me how fast time flies.  Kessa was in 5th grade when Brian was called as bishop and Kendra was starting junior high.  Kessa is now a sophomore in high school and Kendra is in her first year of college.  I could fit in all the dresses in my closet when Brian was called as bishop and now, not so much. Brian had a few gray hairs when he was first called and now, well...

These pictures were taken in October 2016, one month before Brian was called to serve as the bishop:

(We LOVED teaching primary.  We were so lucky to be Kessa's teachers.  There were at least 4 kids missing the day we took this picture.)

Time flies.  We are starting a new chapter in our lives.  I am sad to see this one end.  I know that there is more excitement to come and more opportunities to serve.  There are more friends to meet and more people to serve.

I love the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It is true!  I am grateful that I have been blessed to learn that through service we can find joy and become closer to Jesus Christ.  Our love for others grows.  We forget about ourselves and care about others.  That is where the joy comes from.  Those that only seek to please themselves will never know true joy. 

I am grateful for every person that supported Brian.  I am grateful for the people that we have met.  We have been blessed beyond measure because of those that we have had surrounding us.  

I am especially grateful to my Heavenly Father for my life and blessing me with so many blessings.

(I took this picture about a month ago when both Kessa and I were asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting.  Kessa was obviously thrilled!  I was nervous to speak since I hadn't spoken in church for over 10 years, but I was also excited to sit by Brian.)

The next two pictures are of me and Brian with one of our "Sunbeams".  We taught Jack when he was a Sunbeam and a CTR 4.  We loved teaching the Sunbeams.  Jack always smiled, was obedient, and had the biggest heart.  Every time we would ask a question he would tell us something about his dad.  His prayers melted our hearts.  He would always pray about his dad and his younger sister Charlotte.  Jack is the only one that is still in our ward that was one of our Sunbeams.  I got to watch him grow up.  He will be a Deacon this year!  He will receive the Aaronic Priesthood.  His dad is still his hero.  He still has a smile on his face, and he still has the biggest heart.  Today I bore my testimony in primary and told the children how much I love them and am going to miss them.  After I said "Amen", Jack walked up to the front of the Primary room and gave me the biggest hug.  I started bawling!  It meant so much to me.  After Primary the children took turns giving me hugs.  Why would anyone want to be anywhere else other than Primary!!  

(Jack as our cute sunbeam)

(Jack at the Highland state football game yesterday)

I love Brian so much!  I am blessed that he is my husband.  He is my best friend.  I thank my Heavenly Father that Brian is my eternal companion and that he is my best friend on this earth.  I tell my girls that their dad is the way he is because he lives the gospel of Jesus Christ.  

Let me introduce you to Christina Rosalia Ctibor who was born in 1881. That may seem long ago for some, but it really was not long ago. It's about a lifetime and a half ago. So, not long ago. I think she was called Rosalia, but I am not 100% sure. She was one of eleven children in her family. I have not found a marriage record for her, but she had to have been married before the age of 20 because she had her first child at age 20.

Christina is my great-great-great grandfather's granddaughter.  She is my great-great grandfather's niece, which makes her 1st cousin 3x removed.

Like I wrote in my last blog, our ancestors went through much harder trials than most any of us have to face in 2020. Christina Rosalia was no exception. It is interesting what I learn about my ancestors just by adding records to their profile. It shows that Christina gave birth to at least 5 children. We can assume that she had been pregnant more than 5 times because there was no good protection at that time.

Sometimes when I am filling out people's records, I don't pay much attention to dates. For some reason, I noticed that only one of Christina's children had a photograph. Then I noticed the dates of birth and death. All of Christina's children died before she died, only one made it to adulthood. To top it all off, her husband also died before she died. He died at age 47, about 10 years before Christina died at age 55. Honestly, at that point, I would have "accidentally" fallen on some railroad tracks and waited for a train to come squish me.

Her first child died at age 1, her second child lived the longest dying at age 28, her third child died at age 8, her fourth child died shortly after birth, and her fifth child died at age 11. I would ban sex after that just so I would not have to go through the hell of losing another child.

Her first child died at age 1, her second child lived the longest dying at age 28, her third child died at age 8, her fourth child died shortly after birth, and her fifth child died at age 11. I would ban sex after that just so I would not have to go through the hell of losing another child.

I don't know anyone in 2020 that has gone through anything like losing 5 children. I don't know how my heart would keep beating. I wish my ancestors kept journals so I could know what they were feeling and how they got through the worst of trials. I do know that Christina stayed married to her husband (who I circled in red) and that she did not use the tragedies in her life as an excuse to blame others, treat others rudely, or demand retributions.

Christina is a wonderful example to us. I truly hope to meet her one day and be able to tell her that what she went through was not forgotten.

Skeletons in the Closet

I love family history because I feel like I get to know my ancestors, maybe even some stories they thought would die with them. For instance, because of DNA, we found out that my great grandpa (Hans) from Sweden fathered a child with a girl named Anna that he loved before he met my great grandmother. The story is actually sad. Hans worked for Anna's family in Sweden. The family brought Hans over with them to the USA. Hans and Anna fell in love. There are two different scenarios that could have happened: The first is that Hans and Anna got married in secret. On their baby's birth certificate it has Hans as the father, and the baby has Hans' last name. The second is that Hans and Anna got pregnant and wanted to get married. Either way, when Anna's father found out, he forbade the relationship. He did not think Hans was good enough for his daughter. It was either because Hans was just a labor worker, or possibly because they had married in secret and Anna's father was furious, or because Hans had gotten Anna pregnant. No matter the scenario, the relationship between Hans and Anna ended, and they were both heartbroken. Anna's father fired Hans and sent him back to Sweden.

I do not know why Hans (my great grandpa) chose to immigrate back to the USA after being sent back to Sweden. My guess is that he could not forget about Anna and the baby. Hans was able to get back to the USA. He settled in the same area that Anna lived, even though there was no hope for him to persuade Anna's father to let him see Anna or the baby. Anna named their child Henry, after my great grandfather.😢 (Hans changed his name to Henry when he moved to the USA to sound more American. I am sticking with the name Hans for my great grandfather and Henry for the son he had with Anna to make the story more clear.) I have seen a picture of Henry and he is the spitting image of my great grandfather.

Look at those beautiful, big eyes.  Hans is my dad's maternal grandpa.

Hans later met my great grandmother, Ida, who was from Germany (now Poland). Hans and Ida raised their family a hop, skip, and a jump from Anna's family. It is my guess that Hans wanted to see his son from afar and feel comforted knowing his son was okay.

Hans' children never knew that their dad fathered another child, although Anna's children found out the entire story. When Henry got older, he wanted to get a job. The employer wanted to see Henry's birth certificate before accepting him as an employee. Henry went home and asked his mother for the copy of his birth certificate. She burst into tears and realized that she had to tell Henry about Hans. I do not know all the details of what she told Henry, but I do know that Henry felt that the man that raised him was his real and only father. Once Henry got married and had children of his own, his daughter asked him if he would ever want to meet Hans. He replied, "I have a dad and he is my only dad." My heart felt pulled when I learned that information. On one hand, I feel horrible for my great grandpa because he was denied access to his son and sent away. I am positive he felt heartbroken his entire life over the situation. I also know that Hans was a loving husband, father, and grandfather. He was a gentle man with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. On the other hand, I know how it is to adopt a child. Kessa is just as much my daughter as Kendra. Kessa feels the same as Henry felt. Kessa knows I am her only mother. The girl that gave birth to her is a special person that cared enough about Kessa to give her life and a forever family - But she is not her mother.

Hans and Ida had a very happy life with their three children. Hans was a devoted husband and father.

Hans with his wife Ida and their three children

(From Left to Right):

Lorraine, Marvin, and Eileen (my grandma)

The one question all of us have: Did Hans ever tell Ida about Anna? I do not think he did tell Ida. That generation did not share those things.

Whenever I think of Hans and Anna I feel like I just watched a tragic love story. I am grateful that my great grandpa found my great grandma though. Everything I hear about their relationship was precious. They loved each other, took care of each other and their children their entire lives.

This is just one "Skeleton in the Closet", but I have found many more about other ancestors. I do not think of these skeletons as negatives though. I know some of these details about my great ancestors are probably details they thought would die with them, but I am grateful to find stories about their lives. It makes me think of them as human beings that experienced joy and heartache. They weren't perfect. They made mistakes, but they kept going. I am grateful to see them as real people with real lives and with real feelings. It also helps me to realize that even when life seems excruciating that there will be light if we endure and try to make the best of our circumstances. I believe some mistakes or heartaches can bring about the greatest blessings just like in the case of Hans. Maybe these details aren't skeletons after all. Instead they can be the comfort and inspiration that when we go through hard times that there will be light if we continue to seek for it. I think we can learn a thing or two from past generations. I know I have!

Family Reunion:

My mom was contacted by Henry's granddaughter. His granddaughter had taken a DNA test and linked the story together. I do not think she contacted anyone until everyone involved had deceased. Henry's descendants made contact with Hans's grandchildren with Ida. I need to ask my mom and dad the details of everything that went down, but if I remember correctly, Marvin Dahlgren (Hans's son with Ida) was still alive when the granddaughter contacted my family. My family was happy to learn of Henry and to meet new cousins and relatives.

More about Hans:

Lorentz Hans Ericsson

The naming convention in Sweden is very complicated. Up until the 20th century the farm or house name was always added prior to the first name, and the last name was always the father's first name with "son" added for a boy, or "dotter" (daughter) for a girl. Our family house name was Lorentz. In the 20th century some people began to use the farm or house name as a last name, so then they abandoned the "son of" or "daughter of" convention. Sometimes when they moved to the US they would change it again. So Henry's brother, Eric, took the farm name Lorentz and changed it to Lawrence, and Henry took Lawrence as his middle name and chose a completely different last name. In addition to all of this, some people abandoned the farm name altogether and simply kept passing the father's last name on for all future generations, the way we do. So then a girl would be a "son" instead of "daughter" and the name no longer reflected who the father was (since it always stayed the same).  Examples:  Larson, Olson, Erickson, Johnson.  When Hans moved to the United States he changed his name to Henry Lawrence Dahlgren to sound more American.  We have no idea why he chose the last name Dahlgren.

My Visit to Hans' Childhood Home in Dalarna, Sweden:

Not the best picture, but this is a picture of me, Kendra, and Kessa standing in front of Hans's childhood home in Dalarna, Sweden where he lived in a one bedroom home with his parents and 7 siblings.  The current owners built an extra room and an upper story to the house.  They also painted it and made it look cute.  The paint color is unique to Sweden.  All of the houses are this same color.  I am hoping to paint my door this color some day.  I like to have something in my home from each country my ancestors immigrated.  The new owners of the home built another home on the property that they live in now.  Hans' family home is now used as a guest home.  When Hans and his siblings lived in the home, there was only one bedroom for all of them and they used the second bedroom for company.  They became loggers (lumber) because the ground was impossible to farm.  They were Baptists and were persecuted for not being Lutheran, which is interesting because Ida was Lutheran and Hans' children would grow up in the Lutheran church.   Anna's family was also Baptist.  They moved to the USA for religious freedom.  The tiny village they moved from in Hornberga, Dalarna County, Sweden was made up of families hoping to start a community of Baptists.  Some of Hans' brothers also immigrated to the USA.  His brother Viktor stayed in the family home until he sold it to the couple that lives in the home now.  I met the couple and they have a picture of Viktor on their mantle, which I thought was sweet.  The homes in the area are family homes that were in the same family for generations.

Hans' Home in Minneapolis, Minnesota:

This picture was taken sometime in the 1980's after Hans and Ida had already passed away.  Hans built this home on his own.  He raised his three wonderful children in this home.  My great grandpa Dahlgren (Hans) came from nothing in Sweden and built the American dream in the USA.   He came to the USA with dreams and those dreams were at first shattered.  He didn't blame others and he did not give up.  He somehow got back to the USA.  He worked hard.  Having a modest home, a loving wife, three beautiful children who could attend school to get an education, food on the table, and a steady job was more than Hans could have ever dreamed!  He lived the American Dream!

Hans and Ida's children were a tribute to the type of people they were.  I will do a post on Hans and Ida's children in the future to show what kind of people they grew up to be.  Hans and Ida's children were part of The Greatest Generation.  

Hans' and Ida's children:

You know those old movies where a big band is playing in a glamorous club and everyone is dancing?  My grandparents lived that life.  On the right is my grandma's sister, Lorraine, and Lorraine's husband, Clary (short for Clarence).  On the left is my grandma's brother, Marv (short for Marvin) and my grandma (Eileen).  It's hard to tell in black and white photos, but they all had beautiful blue eyes. 

I was blessed to have grown up around my grandma and her siblings.  I knew my grandma's siblings as Uncle Marv and Aunt Larry.  They grew up in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  They were classy, smart, and kind.  There was always a warm atmosphere when I was around my grandma and her siblings.  The old movies from the 1940's always remind me of them.  Every holiday was picture perfect and could have been on a Hallmark movie.  I miss them so much.  I am saddened that my daughters will not meet them here on this earth.  I miss The Greatest Generation.  It is sad how easily their values and influence have already been forgotten.         

  

 

Realizing My Blessings in 2020, Thanks to My ancestors

I have found, as I study my family history, that I learn so much, not just about my ancestors, but about the areas they lived and what life was like then. Just tonight I looked up the Cholera epidemic (an actual epidemic) that occurred in the mid-1800's. I have two ancestors that died of cholera in Germany during that time period.

The generations living today have it much easier than the generations of our ancestors, yet they were more content. Maybe it has something to do with their outlook? That shouldn't be a question, because I know it had everything to do with their outlook!

We have been given so much more than any other generation yet the generations on the earth at this time are the most ungrateful.

We are living in the most entitled, spoiled era of United States history. There has never been so many that ask what their country can do for them instead of the other way around. There have never been so many that feel they should be given handouts for virtually sacrificing nothing. They just whine and cry because someone else has more than them due to luck, inheritance, or (most likely) hard work. There have never been so many that blame others for the circumstances they live in or were born in instead of working hard in hopes of moving up in life. There have never been so many that expect retributions for being mistreated or their ancestors being mistreated. There has never been so many that blame instead of realizing they are in charge of their own destiny, no matter the obstacles. There have never been so many that do not look outward to see how to help, but constantly think about themselves. There have never been so many that are nonreligious and have turned away from God. It is no wonder our country is in more turmoil than ever before.

Learning about my ancestors has helped me appreciate many of my blessings. They went through much more trying times than any of us, yet they did not blame others or turn away from God. They did not expect handouts. They did not expect to become rich, yet they worked hard and did the best they knew how to move up in the world.

It makes me baffled at the ingratitude that constantly surrounds me on every side. Nothing flabbergasts me more than hearing someone put the USA down. Just for the fact that they were born in the USA, no matter what the circumstances, gives them a head start in life. The more I have learned about history, the more I have come to love the USA. It is not perfect, but it is the best government formed on the face of the earth.

I have come to know my ancestors and their life stories. I feel I know them. I love them, flaws and all. I have decided that I would love to write some of their stories. They each went through hard trials, even the ones that had money. Money does not equal a life full of being carefree and bliss.

I hope that the stories I share about my ancestors will somehow help others, including myself, to realize the blessings we take for granted living our lives of ease in 2020 in the land of the free. I know I will love sharing these stories because although some happened long ago, you will not be able to help having your heart feel something!

I will start out by re-posting a post that I posted awhile ago. I already have many stories in mind that I would love to share, but it is easy to start out with a post I already shared. It isn't the hardest trial I have learned about out of my ancestors' histories, but it does break the heart. I still want a different ending to the love story. Well, here is my first post about my ancestors: