Pop

I never got around to blogging my feeling about Pop.  I wrote about him as a father to his children, but I haven’t gotten around to my thoughts on when I have known Pop.

My family were converts to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  My family is originally from Southern California (LA and Orange County area).  Then we moved to Mesa, Arizona by Mountain View High School and we were surrounded by LOTS of Mormons.  This was a big blessing for our family, but also could sometimes make things a little interesting culture-wise.  As a teenager I would look around and see these families with fathers that seemed to be quieter and knowledgeable about everything pertaining to the gospel.  The moms seemed soft-spoken and made bread.  Hahahha.  Well, my family was boisterous.  My dad played in rock-n-roll bands and my mom worked.  I always felt that I was not “good enough” because I did not fit into a certain mold.  I tried, but it would never work.  I would have BURST if I had to be a certain way.  It just didn’t work!  I followed the standards and was friendly, but I said whatever I was thinking and did not always agree with some culture things that some of my friends thought was gospel.  There were some things that happened to me that also made me feel that I did not fit in the gospel bubble.  I now realize that it was because I was a teenager.  Some teens were taught that, let’s say, drinking caffeinated beverages was wrong or that wearing a certain length of shorts is just awful.  Lol.  Well, none of that mattered to me!  It isn’t gospel!  That was something they were taught by their parents, not by a prophet of God.  But sometimes when a group of people act like it is gospel then for them it becomes gospel.  My parents were friends with people that would come over and swear like a sailor.  I was taught not to cuss, but my parents could care less if someone came over and swore or drank a beer.  That is how I was raised.  It is way more Christ-like and how everyone should be.  As I got older, I realized that my parents understood the atonement of Jesus Christ.  They loved everyone that came over.  My family had just as many friends that were Mormon as friends that were not Mormon.  My grandpa is an atheist.  He did not believe in a life after death or God.  My whole family loves each other with all our different religions, races, and beliefs.  What I learned from my parents is to stand for what is right, but let others govern themselves.  Basically, be an example but don't be self-righteous or judgmental of others.  

When I first was going to meet Pop I was still in the stage of thinking I was different than all those people that came from pioneers.  No one would have ever guessed that is how I felt.  I found out that Brian’s dad was Stake President and I was soooo nervous.  I thought I would need to act perfect.  Brian was taking me to the Layton’s ranch to meet his parents and Grandparents.  I was mostly nervous to meet Pop.  The moment we got to the ranch and Brian introduced me to his parents and grandparents, I felt acceptance and love.  Pop smiled at everything I said and made me feel accepted.  Sometimes I would say things and think in my head, “What the heck am I saying?”  I was just too nervous and probably said and acted weird, but Pop and Grandpa Layton (the two I was most nervous to meet since Grandpa Layton was also a Stake President, Mission President, and the Mesa Temple President) were genuinely kind.  It was the opposite of what I thought.  They were the most loving, warm, accepting men I had ever met in my life.  I always felt that my leaders were good men, but I did not know them personally.  It was just church interviews or listening to them talk.  Well, Grandpa Layton and Pop are the most Christ-like, close-to-perfect men I have ever been around in my life and they were not intimidating one bit.  I felt the complete opposite.  Sometimes I would say dumb things (at least that was what I was thinking inside my head) but it never phased them and they always treated me loving and with acceptance.  They made each person around them feel as though that person was their favorite.  I am sure that is how it would feel if I was with the Savior.

Pop and Mom Layton treated my family, including my extended family that are not members of our church, with the same love and acceptance.  Through Pop and Mom’s example I realized how wonderful my parents are.  They were actually the best example to me of being Christ-like to others.  They showed by example that everyone has worth, no matter what.  They taught me to live the gospel standards, but that everyone can be a friend.  I realized that the problem was within me.  I was judging those that I felt were being judgmental.  I hope that makes sense.   My testimony has grown greatly since I realized the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It doesn’t matter what others are doing.  What matters is if I am living the gospel, and the most important part of the gospel, in my opinion, is striving to love others as the Savior loves.  I thought we needed to fit in a certain mold or box to be “Mormon enough.”  That thought makes me sad now that I ever felt that way.  If others felt or feel that way then it also makes me sad.  It is the opposite of what our Heavenly Father wants us to feel.  I have had the honor of being around some great leaders of the church and they are truly the most loving men and women.  They may teach the doctrine and standards, but they are not judging those that are having a hard time or those that may not accept certain things.  They love the person, just like the Savior loved.

Pop was the best Father-in-law.  I knew he cared about me.  I could talk to him about any doubts or concerns I may have.  He always was open, accepting, a great listener, and understanding.

When I think about Pop, I always picture me walking into his house and hearing whistling or a silly tune.  I picture walking into the room where he is sitting and him getting a big smile on his face.  He always made every activity fun, including work.  There was always some kind of work or project we would do, even at family reunions.  I was so confused the first time I went to a Layton Family Reunion.  One of the activities was tending to a garden.  I did not feel like sweating, getting dirty and hoeing a garden!  It ended up being so fun with the entire family.  Who knew that work could be fun!  Whenever we would come to visit he was always interested in us.  He was always engaged. 

Pop has always been busy with callings and on the farm.  He is a very intelligent man and ran the farm with precision.  He was a very good businessman.  If I showed up at the farm with my parents, he would drop everything he was doing and show them around.

Pop was a wonderful grandpa.  I am grateful that my children have a grandfather that taught them by example.  He always has a smile and a hug.  One example of how Pop was as a grandfather happened at the cabin.  Mom Layton had all the grand kids go on a bear hunt.  They each got a hat and a stick.  From what I remember they had certain clues on how to find the bear and they chanted, "I'm going on a bear hunt..."  They made it to a bear cave and found a bear in the cave (Pop).  Each kid went into the cave and received candy from the "bear".  Another time he got out a train.  All the grandkids were sitting there and Pop got one car out at a time.  Each car represented one of his kids.  The caboose was Kevin.  The kids loved when they knew their dad or mom was the next car on the train.  He incorporated it into how families are forever and that we are all here to help each other in our family.  When Pop would talk, the kids listened.  It is only because they felt the spirit.  They felt love.  I know it is because of Pop and Mom Layton that each person in the family feels loved and united.  Pop was always a good sport with everything.  He never complained, from what I can remember.  He took opportunities when we were all gathered as a family to bear his testimony of Christ.  His love of the Savior was just normal conversation in his everyday life.  Pop never met an enemy.  Everyone he came across was a friend.  If he heard others gossiping about someone then he would say something that didn't embarrass the person, but changed the attitude of the situation.  He loved others. 

Pop loves God.  He was willing to do whatever God asked of him until the end.  He served for 9 years in a Stake Presidency, then as President of the stake, then as a mission President in Brazil and then in the Mesa temple Presidency.  More importantly he served and loved everyone around him.  He was the best father and husband. 

Pop was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease before he was called to the Temple Presidency.  After his release he slowly went down hill. 

I have had some of Pop’s missionaries send me messages.  I can’t find the one that really touched me and made me cry.  It made me cry because it is a perfect example of Pop.  I do know that the person that wrote to me told me that he was struggling on the mission.  He talked to Pop and told Pop his struggles.  Pop asked him if he would like a blessing.  He answered yes.  When Pop got up to give him a blessing, he told the missionary, “This is a father’s blessing given with a father’s love since your father is not here at this time to give it to you himself.”  I am botching the story badly, but I could hear Pop saying it when this missionary told the story to me.  Every missionary that wrote to me told me how they felt loved.  Not nervous or intimidated.  Not judged.  They felt loved.  They felt better about themselves.   

It is hard for those in Pop’s family to think of a few moments with Pop since he was a constant in our lives.  There are so many moments that it is hard to pick out just a few to share.  So, I thought I would share just a few of the messages people have posted or sent to me personally to give an idea of how truly wonderful Pop is. 

Hi Kate. I served in the Brazil, Belem Mission and had President Layton as my mission President for almost my full time. He and Sister Layton got there when I had been in the field for about 3 months. I love those two very much. I wanted to share a story with you all, so please pass this on to the rest of your family. When I had been out for over a year, we had a zone conference. Whenever President Layton spoke. I listened. I hung on to every word, always amazed at the power he spoke with and the wisdom he had. (Sister Layton too!) The spirit always confirmed to me that he was a man of God and I loved listening to him to the point where it was as much of a luxury to listen to him as just hearing another talk or attending another training. A couple days after the zone conference President Layton called an emergency conference. Nobody knew what it was about. Several zones gathered and we took our seat in the chapel. President Layton addressed us and his first words were, "I have called this meeting as a meeting of repentance." I was nervous thinking a missionary had done something terrible. I thought someone was getting sent home and we were about to learn what not to do. Then President Layton got emotional and with tears coming down his face he called himself to repentance. "I did not act like a servant of God." Those were his next words. He then told us he had a message he needed to deliver and failed to do it in the zone conference. He felt compelled by the spirit to call this emergency conference and relay what he did not relay. I could not tell you what that message was. Truthfully it doesn't matter a whole lot to me. I remember how I felt though. The respect and admiration I had for him increased ten fold. The lesson I learned about humility that day has been something I never will forget. He taught by his actions, not just his words. It was a true example of Jesus Christ. I never feared President Layton. I just felt love from him. I wanted to do the work for the Lord, but my respect level for him was so high that I wanted to be a better person because of him and wanted to do well because he inspired me. He was firm when he needed to be and he demanded our very best. He did it with so much wisdom, love and humility and he had such a profound effect on me. I posted last week on my Facebook page that he is as close to a perfect man as I've ever seen. I love him and Sister Layton and I'm so grateful I got to serve with them.

Rafael Alencar de Paula wrote:  No matter how much I know about the plan of Salvation (Most of it taught by him and sister Layton during my mission), the sorrow and grief will be unbearable when he passes away. 

I can’t find the person who said this now, but here it is:  Thanks for the posts and updates! I had the opportunity to meet him and sister Layton last August and no words to describe how happy I was! Listen to the roar of the crowd pres Layton!!!!

Kate... I am not a member of your family, but I am grateful that you posted this amazing post here on Facebook. I am grateful that you put his funeral pictures. Can I tell you how amazing... I am in tears with how much these two individuals have touched my life!!!!! I was a missionary that served the Lord with President and Sister Layton. I actually looked into travel plans to come to the funeral... but it just wasn’t possible. I wanted to share with you and your family how grateful we’re are that you Tag Sister Layton into your photos. When I was in Brasil with these two wonderful people... I served with everything I had as an individual and it was with all Brazilian companions. I know every single one of their “mission children” are grateful for this ability to see pictures. Just two days ago I was talking with a Brazilian Elder, who now serves in his Stake Presidency... Elder Saint-Clair and he was mentioning how grateful he was for President Layton and Sister Layton. He stated he had tried to call several times, and I reminded him of how sick he was... and then he stayed that he just wanted the two of them to know what an impact he had in his life. This goes on from Elder to Elder and Sister to Sister. I will tell you that almost Daily I think of my mission and there is a high percent that one of those days it will be something I learned from Pres and Sister Layton. Or I will sit back and thanks Heavenly Father for all the words Sister Layton told me to keep me on my mission in the first month while being in Belem. I guess with all this gibberish... please just give Sister Layton a huge hug. One from Me.... one from Elder Saint-Clair. One from Elder Bispo. One from Sister Maziero. And one huge huge hug from those that haven’t sent me a message but I know they wanted to share their condolences to you and your family. We love you, and we adore Sister Layton!!!! Thank you for sharing something so personal... but helped us remember that we will see our President/ Pop of the Mission... again soon. Hugs to you all!!!!!!!!      

Dear Sister Layton and Family,
I was deeply saddened to hear of President Layton's passing. The news was a shock to me and I want you to know that my thoughts are with you all at this difficult time.
Everyone who has met President Layton will miss him very much. This whole event made me reflect what the psalmist described
"If a man dies, shall he live again?" (Job 14:14). Will the grave seal our eternal destiny? Or is there a resurrection and another sphere of existence waiting for our soul?
What I can say is that I know that death is not the end of our existence and that one day we will all meet again. We'll miss him a lot.
If there is anything I can do to help in this difficult time please le me know.

A big hug for everyone from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Elder I Oliveira

Betty Bogle wrote: This is one of those times when I wish I was home to share my love for a family that changed my life. Dear Dianne, I’ll never forget the first time I attended an LDS Church was with your family. The first moment when my husband Bob and I talked about how we felt about the Gospel and its teachings was when your Bob came to teach us about Eternal Families. I recently was asked to bear my testimony of my conversion. I told of how when your Husband taught that principal and the Spirit was so strong in our home that you could feel it in the air, and I could hardly breath. It was the next day that Bob and I decided to be baptized. Please know that I love you both and for the first time am sorry I’m in South Carolina serving a mission. My heart goes out to you and your family. My prayers tonight will be for you all.

One of their Brazillian missionaries wrote:  I am immensely grateful for the teachings of President Layton and Dianne V Layton. I love Layton's president and Dianne V Layton from my heart, they are just like my parents. In the mission of Belem, they were great teachers for me and for all the missionaries who served with him in the "mission of miracles." President Layton and Sister Layton are examples to me of faith, love, charity. I love you all heartily, you are in my prayers, I love you, President Layton and Dianne V Layton.)

Max Lamereaux shared:  I love that man because he loves me.

Paul Dunn shared:  Such an amazing man. His example influenced me and my life. The perfect example of the father, a friend and a member of the church. His Legacy will always live on. We love you President Layton.

Paulaeluiz Nepomuceno shared:  He is one of the best persons I knew. His face was a face of the Christ.

Lori LeSueur Lyman Holgate expressed:  He is a giant Redwood and in whose shadow I grew. I treasure every word he spoke and every moment he shared. Promise me you will give Diane my love from Iraq.

Bob Kaufman shared: The swath of his influence among the children of men is long and wide and straight. It will continue onward without end for each one whose life’s path crossed his for a time. There are few better examples of kindness, gentleness, and love unfeigned than Bob Layton.

Scott Morris:  My heart is heavy hearing this. President Layton is a true guerreiro (warrior) who changed my life forever. I will be forever grateful for his testimony of the Savior and His Gospel.

 Dianne Brown:  I’m so sad, knew him when we were growing up in the Alma Ward, he is AWSOME and his parents were even better

Those are just a few examples of Pop.  I couldn’t post all of them or this would end up being a novel. 

I am grateful Pop is not suffering any longer, though I wish he had never had to struggle.  I miss his presence in my life.  I miss his upbeat personality.  He has made me become a better version of myself and I want to continue to strive to be better because of him.  

Pop, I love you.  I miss you.  I know I will see you someday, but you will be missed in my earthly experience.  Thank you for your love and acceptance.  Thank you for helping me to feel good about myself just the way I am.  Thank you for desiring for each of your family members to love the gospel.  Thank you for being the best example of how to live.  Thank you for being the greatest example of how to die.  Your faith has not wavered.  I know you are having a wonderful gathering with your parents, sister, grandparents, and all your loved ones.  I hope to see you in the presence of God someday.  If you don’t make it, then no one will make it.  Haha.  I love you!

Pop the Father

Pop passed away last night with one tear rolling down his face as Mom Layton said goodbye. I am very grateful that he is no longer suffering and I know he is having a grand time with his parents and sister, Joan Bethea. Although I am happy he is no longer suffering, I am emotional that he is no longer here on this earth and a presence in my daughter's lives. I will get more to that in another blog post. And yes, these posts about Pop are my journal entries. I can't just write one thought about Pop and be done.

Over the past week so many things about Pop have come to my mind that make me grateful. I never thought in my growing up years that I would ever have the opportunity to associate with the likes of someone like Pop. How did I get so blessed!

The first aspect of Pop that comes to my mind is how he was/is the greatest example of a father. Brian has been taught by example. I thank Pop and Mom for raising respectful, selfless, virtuous children by example.

Pop was always full of sunshine in the mornings. He was always whistling or singing a peppy tune with his own made-up words. Brian has told me that his family woke up early every morning to read scriptures as a family and it made Brian grumpy with Pop's pep bursting forth. Before they would start reading scriptures they would sing a hymn (they mainly mumbled while Pop and Mom sang with joy😂). Pop and Mom tried to get their children to love singing, but none of them picked up on the love of singing. Like any other family, the kids were grumpy in the mornings reading scriptures, but it was a habit instilled in them. Each of them now has a testimony and love of the scriptures. Pop knew more about the scriptures than any person around. He lived the scriptures. He didn't lecture or judge - ever! He exemplified the Savior. And now we all listen to Brian whistling around the house and making up words to songs. It is amazing what a good example does, even when it seems like a parent feels it isn't doing anything.

Pop has always been humble. He never made his family feel that they had to be a certain way because of his leadership callings in the church. Brian never felt pressured to act or be a certain way just because his dad was Stake President. If Brian made mistakes his parents would discipline and teach him with love. They never once felt like their children had to keep up a certain persona or be a certain way. Pop was in the Stake Presidency and then the Stake President throughout all of Brian's growing up years. Brian does not remember a time when Pop was not in a leadership calling. Brian and his siblings didn't think much about their dad being the stake president. It wasn't ever talked about. The gospel was what was talked about in their home, not callings. Pop was Brian's Stake President when Brian left on his mission and when he returned from his mission. His Grandpa Layton was a patriarch and gave Brian his patriarchal blessing. Brian does not know any different. He realizes now how blessed his life has been because of the love and unity he was raised with.

Pop showed the most love to his children by loving their mom. Pop adores Mom Layton. He never once spoke unkindly to Mom Layton. He always talked about her with love. It was one of the only times I would see Pop get emotional. Pop could get upset, but he never yelled or said unkind things. Pop's children felt completely secure, safe, and loved because of the united front of their parents. Children feel loved when their parents love each other.

Pop was a farmer to his core. He loved the farm. He made it a family farm by taking the time and effort and love to include his kids in all aspects of the family business. Some of Brian's favorite memories are on the farm with Pop and his siblings.

Pop was extremely busy and had a ton on his plate with running a business and being Stake President, but he always came to his children's sports events, scouting events, and any other activity they were involved. He was able to coach some of the older children before he got so busy with work and callings. Pop always made sure that his family had Family Home Evening. Brian remembers many times being impatient with FHE and wanting it to be short. Sometimes the family would be watching a sporting event, some of those being final games, but when the time came for FHE, the TV would be turned off. Brian was always hopeful that they would be able to finish the game instead of having FHE and when the TV was turned off he would be bugged. Now those times spent with Pop, Mom, and siblings are priceless. The feelings of those FHE are what he remembers. He has gained knowledge by Pop's teachings. No game will ever compare to the feelings and knowledge gained by those times spent at Pop's feet.

I don't know where to stop. There are so many things about Pop the father. His excitement celebrating each of his kids birthdays, being Chub Rabbit on Halloween, his knowledge of the doctrine of the church, his joy over little things, his gratitude to others, and much more has shaped who my husband is as a person. I can never thank Pop enough.

Instant Family Movie and Adoption

"Adoption is not a breaking of trust but keeping of faith...not the abandonment of a baby but an abandonment of self for a baby's sake."

Brian and I went to the new movie out this month, Instant Family.  We rarely go to the movies anymore because the movies never are as good as the movies back when we were kids, or the movie has a bunch of perverted jokes that take no creativity to write, or the movie is too cheesy, or the movie is not interesting to me (like sci-fi or fantasy), or I could have written a better movie script than the actual Hollywood writers - well, you get the point.  The movies are just not entertaining anymore.  

The movie Instant Family had me in tears from the beginning.  I kept getting choked up throughout the entire movie.  I thought I was going to a movie like Daddy's Home where I would laugh uncontrollably throughout the movie.  I did laugh many times, but I cried more than I laughed.  It was not a sad movie.  For me it was pretty realistic without being graphic or depressing.  It was uplifting in a realistic way.  I don't know how else to describe it.  Again, I did laugh a ton also.  There was humor and emotion throughout the entire movie.  It was a perfect balance for me.  The reason I got choked up throughout the entire movie is that NO child should ever feel unwanted, but too many children do feel unwanted.  

After we got home from the movie, I got on the internet and the first thing that popped up was about adoption.  Here is the article:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/parenting/my-son-is-adopted-and-yes-i-am-his-real-mother/ar-BBPwNh2?ocid=spartandhp  

I won't go into our entire adoption story, but I will explain why we came to the conclusion to adopt.

We had to do in-vitro fertilization to get pregnant with Kendra.  I was set on having a baby made from me and Brian.  I did not want to adopt because I had always pictured having a child the "normal" way.  I wanted to have a child that was biologically ours.  I pictured an uber-athletic boy that had dark hair, blue eyes, and tan skin (obviously I forgot that Brian had something to do with the gene pool of our child. 😜).  In vitro fertilization is ridiculously expensive and giving shots of hormones in the stomach and hip everyday plus getting blood taken every few days to the point of having permanent scar tissue in my veins was not quite as fun as making a baby the old fashioned way.  LOL.  My pregnancy was horrible!  We are blessed that Kendra was born at 38 weeks instead of 24 weeks.  When my sisters and I "popped" out of my mom, we had dark hair, dark eyelashes, and eyebrows.  We were not paper white.  When Kendra "popped" out of me, she was very white (I could see her veins under her skin), she had NO hair (she was seriously bald until she was three), she had no eyebrows or eyelashes, and she had a cone head from her being stuck in the birth canal since around 24 weeks of the pregnancy.  As Kendra got older her cone head disappeared and she became pretty like a porcelain doll.  I loved her more than anything from the moment she was born, even if she did not appear to look anything like me.  That is when it dawned on me that it did not matter what our child looks like.  

I never wanted to go through in-vitro fertilization or pregnancy again!  I got so excited about adopting a baby.  I did not care what the baby would look like, I just wanted to love a child and have the child part of our family.  I enjoyed the adoption experience soooooo much (X 1,000,000,000) more than pregnancy!  It was a beautiful experience.  I bawled when I saw our baby Kessa, and I felt the same exact connection as I did when I saw Kendra for the first time.  

Here are a few misconceptions that some people do not get about adoption:

There are different complications with adoption, but the complications are no harder than having a biological child.  I know biological families where every child has autism or a mental illness or physical disease or relationship issues or school issues or a combination.  It is called LIFE!  For some reason when an adopted child has issues then the fact that the child was adopted is brought up.  People seem to have to mention the adoption when in actuality adopted children have the same odds as any biological child for problems or accomplishments.  There is NO difference!  Each child comes with his/her own gifts, talents, and struggles.  I cringe when I watch the news and the newscasters have to mention someone's child being adopted.  "Their adopted son..."  Why not say, then, "Their vaginally birthed son"?  or "Their C-sectioned son"?  or "Their biological son"?  It is just silly!  I think it is just ignorance because adoption is not the norm.  It's different than how the majority of people have a family.  

Here are some statistics about adoption:

Statistics have shown that adopted children, in a home with a mother and a father, are much more likely to never be abused and to live in a stable, loving home.  Children growing up with a father and mother are less likely to drop out of school, to divorce or separate, and/or to depend on welfare.  They are also less likely to become pregnant out-of-wedlock and engage in delinquent behavior.  Children in adoptive families have better health status and higher quality home environments than all other children.  Mothers who place their child for adoption are more likely to finish school and less likely to live in poverty.  Single girls that choose adoption are more likely to marry.  Women who have nonmarital births have lower educational attainment and lower incomes, are less likely to work full-time, and more likely to receive welfare.  Children who are raised by a single parent are five times as likely to be poor, twice as likely to drop out of school and two to three times more likely as adults to commit crimes.  Single mothers experience disproportionately higher rates of physical and psychiatric illness than married mothers.  Single mothers also report less social involvement and fewer contacts with friends.  *If you want more information about these statistics than please ask.   

Another example that seems to matter to some people, but not to the adopted parents, is if the adopted child looks like the family or not.  The adopted parents don't care - at all!  It is fine to tell adopted parents that their adopted children look like them if that is an observation, but the adopted parents don't care.  It doesn't make us feel any better or worse about our children because we don't care if they look like us or not.  We would not change our adopted children for biological children.  Our adopted children are as much a part of us as your biological children.  There is no difference.  I am grateful I have a biological child and an adopted child because I can say with 100% surety that the feelings are the same.  I don't think about how one of my daughters was birthed through me and the other was adopted.  The only time I think about it is when the subject is brought up.  

I remember when Kessa was a boogery toddler that someone at church found out that Kessa was adopted.  It was right before the church service began and the person was sitting in the pew across from us.  I felt them staring at us for most of the service.  I felt like a rare animal in a public zoo.  Kessa was acting up and all over the place. She kept yelling at the top of her lungs.  I felt this person curious to see how I would react to Kessa's behavior, like it would be different just for the fact that she was adopted.  It gave me the feeling that this person just couldn't understand how the relationship could be the same as a biological mother with a toddler.  It was awkward, big time!  That has not been the only time that has occurred.  Adoption is the way my daughter came into our family.  When some people find out that Kessa was adopted they can't seem to wrap their minds around it.  It's pretty hilarious!  It's awkward at the same time because we are just like any other mother and daughter.  I have felt judged on a few occasions when I have had to discipline Kessa by taking away a privilege or getting upset at her.  I know it is because they don't get that she is my child and that there is no difference than if it were Kendra.  It is like they feel sorry for her like she needs to be coddled more just because she was adopted.  She doesn't think about how she was adopted.  I am her mom and Brian is her dad.  We are her family.  She doesn't have another family.  We are her only mom and dad.  

How would you feel if your child came home confused because another child told him/her that you are not his/her real mom?  The link I posted is all about the "real" mom issue, so I won't write much about it.  I just hope that if adoption ever comes up (or even if it doesn't)  that parents will talk to their children about how there is no difference, it is just a different way a child came into a family.

We are very open to Kessa about the girl that gave birth to her.  At this point Kessa has had no desire to meet her.  She thinks of Ashlee as a stranger. She sometimes has questions about biological things, but that is it.  We have always talked very positively about Ashlee.  It has been an open discussion since Kessa's birth.  She can talk or ask anything about her birth and Ashlee, but she has rarely ever brought it up because to her this is her life and her family.  It helps, also, that Ashlee wanted to keep Kessa and loves Kessa, but she knew that she was not ready to take care of a baby.  She also wanted Kessa to go to a home with a mom and a dad.  She was selfless in placing Kessa for adoption.  That is the other misconception with adoption and foster care.  Being with the biological parents is not always best.  Biology does not make a mommy and a daddy.  The biological parent may love the child more than anything, but it does not mean that it is best for the child to stay with them.  It is not "giving up" a baby.   Birth parents don't place a baby for adoption because she/he doesn't want the baby.  They place a baby for adoption because they want the baby to have the best life possible.  Birth parents that place a baby for adoption are making the selfless choice - in my opinion the most selfless choice.  There is nothing selfish about placing a child for adoption.  

Adopted parents do not mind people's questions.  In fact, I love if someone is upfront about anything when it comes to adoption or Kessa.  That is the only way misconceptions are squelched.  

 I wanted to foster-adopt when I was 30, but then I got sick. I am worried I am too old now, but seeing the movie makes me want to go adopt a bunch of foster teenagers.  I know that love is a choice, not just a feeling.  Jonathan became part of our family this past year and we will always love him.  We felt love for him the moment he walked off the plane and we threw our arms around him.  Did he test our patience sometimes?  For sure!  Did I want to kick him where it hurts at time?  Yes!  I am positive he felt the same way about us at times, and probably more!  I wouldn't change any of it!  We became family.  The love is unconditional and forever.  It was the best year and I would love to relive it over and over.  I think the love a couple can feel for a non-biological child would be surprising to some.  The love can be stronger than one has ever felt before. 

In conclusion - haha- I suggest everyone go see Instant Family in the theater this month, which happens to be National Adoption month.  (Warning:  It says the F-word once, but I didn't care for once because I loved the message of the movie so much.)  

Happy National Adoption Month!       

I am Opinionated about Everything!

Tonight I got in the car and started listening to the news.  I now remember why I stopped listening to the news while driving.  It gets me so upset and angry. 

Okay, I have to clarify something.  I don't have an opinion about everything, but I am not a wishy washy person.  I am not a person that is in the gray area on  most anything.  It is either black or white usually.  I don't get deceived easily.  No one can get me to change my mind unless the person has good facts to change my mindset.   

I am also a deep feeler.  I do not have to have others agree with my opinions to continue treating them with respect and love.  I am very adamant about how I feel.  I can argue with someone about anything, but it is only because it is entertaining to me (as long as the person has the same mindset as me and is not out to demean or can't handle a good argument.)  I will try to prove my point, but I know that it is a shot in the dark to change someone's mind.  I just like adamantly expressing my opinions. My very favorite guy friends were the ones that loved arguing with me for fun.  Sometimes my friends would come up with something they knew would shock me just to get my feathers ruffled.  It was all in fun.  I love people that can argue for sport and not for blood.  Like I said, it isn't about proving I am right.  I love being able to express my feelings and thoughts. 

Back to political news.  So, I was listening to the news and I could not believe everything I was hearing, even though there are absolutely NO facts to back anything up that was being said.  Hilary Clinton and Obama were talking and I could hardly stand listening to either speech.  Everything that came out of their mouths was lies about the Republican Party.  I am so sick of both Republicans and Democrats pinning everyone against each other.  I do not agree with most of the political or moral views of the left, but I know that the politicians on the right can be deceitful and conniving also.  I do think that the left has more hate tactics and lies.  They love to get FEELINGS all riled up with hate, but they don't use many facts or they twist anything that is good that has to do with Republicans into something bad.  What bothers me is that here is our ex-president and Hilary Clinton spewing things like the Republican party is racist and trying to keep minorities from being leaders.  Or that we are a white man party that accepts men being dominant.  That is just one little thing that was spewed out of their hateful mouths.  And yes, they have hate in them.  I think Trump has hate for his opponents also.  These politicians always use "THEY" in their speeches speaking of the people in the opposite political party.  "THEY" (The Republican Party) want to keep black America down and in their places so black America and minorities can't be leaders or get ahead.  "THEY" want to make the white man more rich while we struggle to feed our families.  It's disgusting the tactics these politicians use to get people's feelings riled up with hate! 

First,  where are the facts that "THEY" are doing anything of the sort?  Why don't people ask for facts?  The politicians twist things also to sound a certain way to make their opponents look bad.  Do the American people actually get that one politician can't decide everything for a state or the country?  A good politician will allow the community he serves to choose what the people want in the community.  It doesn't necessarily mean that the politician agrees with the decision, but he is allowing the people he serves to make the decision.

Second, do my liberal friends actually believe that people like Brian and I are racist and want our minority friends to not become leaders or to thrive?  Really?  Does anyone truly believe that we would support any racist idea or belief?  Does anyone believe that we would support any type of hate?  Does anyone believe that we would support any man that is racist or a pedophile?  There is no way I would ever support anything that is close to being racist or evil.  Yes, racism is evil and so is pedophilia. 

Has anyone noticed that these politicians on both sides only use campaign advertisements to put down their opponents?  I think they should never be able to bring the other person up in a campaign or debate.  They can only use "I", not "HE" or "THEY".  Then people would actually have to look at what the person believes and what he/she wants to accomplish if elected. 

My point is that Republicans are not racists or homophobic or sexist.  Liberals are told that we are and they twist things to sound like it, but there is no way that Republicans are those awful stereotypes.  Of course there are racists, homophobics, and sexists people in the world, but they come in all different shapes and sizes, different political parties, and different colors.  Some have money and some are financially poor. 

I am soooo tired of being pitted against each other.  I wish everyone would look at facts.  Whichever political party you align with then vote for that political party and leave it be!  I am sick of being put down for my opinions.  I have been called names and demeaned because of my viewpoints.  Calling names and being demeaning is not going to open another's mind up to listen to another person's point of view.  There is more to me than the political party I align with. I am a caring person that loves people.  I may not agree with your religion, politics, or morals - but more than anything I want you to be happy.  Everyone is a person that matters.  I believe every person has talents and abilities that are unique and can be a blessing to others.  My type personality gets a high seeing others smile and laugh.  If I can make a person smile then I feel accomplished.  So, when I pick up the wallet you left on the counter at the store and hand it back to you and you say, "Thank you so much!"  Or when I coach your children and they bring a smile to my face by the funny things they say and do.  Or when we're stuck in line somewhere and we start making jokes.  Or when I am your patient and you help me with my health.  Do you really think I freaking care what your political views are?  Would you still be nice to my smiling face if you found out that I like what Trump has done with our country? Would you still be kind to me if I told you that I think Kavanaugh is innocent?  Would you be nice if you knew that I think affirmative action is a crock and it only keeps minorities down instead of building them up?  Would I suddenly be evil in your mind?  I know that I am not evil.  I know that I am a loving person that cares so much about people.  I can't walk by a homeless person without giving them something.  I can't handle any news story that has to do with a child.  It will keep me up at night.  I want to adopt every child in need.  If it weren't for Brian's logic, we would have at least 200 children and about 500 pets by now.  I try to help in other ways.  I LOVE to be around people.  I love to hear their life story and understand why they are who they are.  I could not be hateful to anyone.  Well, I guess I could be hateful if someone was hateful to my kids or my husband.  You would not want to see that side of me!

My point is that there are reasons each of us aligns with a certain political group.  I have a very strong belief in God.  I have been made fun of for believing in "a fairy tale" on social media.  People have told me I am uneducated because of my belief in scriptures and God and they puff themselves up with their degrees and their education.  Some of the most educated people I know are the apostles and prophets in my church, so their put-downs are just silly.  Hello!  Our prophet was a heart surgeon and actually was on a team of people that came up with something (I can't remember what it was at the moment because I am not some brainer) but it has helped save people's lives to this day.   I would never make fun of someone for his/her beliefs, including the belief in God being a myth.  That is the person's choice and I should respect the person's choice.  I just wish that I was respected.  Can't we just respect each other?

I know my post is not going to affect the world or change the world.  I just wanted to vent my frustration and sadness that people are getting more divisive.  They feel justified in their hate and will go to great lengths, to the point of force, to shut another's opinions and choices down.  I have seen people on the left literally try and force someone to not have their opinion.  It's ridiculous!  I hear hate come out of people's mouths, but they feel justified because it is hateful words against the other side.  Political commentators on the right are harassed on certain left-wing colleges, or banned from speaking.  It's chaos!  And hateful!  Disagree, but be respectful!  It's like these people were raised by wild animals.  They are out of control and they feel justified.  How is acting hateful justified?  Another's viewpoints should never be an excuse to be hateful.  If you think the other person is hateful because of his/her political beliefs, does that give you the right to scream, throw things, harass, get physical, and/or vandalize property? 

Okay, vent over.  As my friend posted today:  Stop getting caught up in the political warfare going on and get to know your neighbors.  He said we don't need civil war, we just need to be civil.             

Listen Up Boyzzzz!

Brian came home wearing this shirt one day.  He bought it because the moment he saw it he knew it was made for him.  

There are a few thoughts that have been reiterated in my mind the past few months.  I am coming from the place of a mother with a teenage daughter.  Every child is unique.  The thoughts and feelings I have are in correlation to MY teenage daughter and what I see and feel through her eyes.

I had a thought come to my mind in July that has repeated in my head many times over.  If a girl is trying to live a clean life in every way, is genuinely kind, honest, pretty, emotionally stable, is not materialistic, knows who she is, and loves to have fun - why then would she choose a boy that is not living the same way?  Why would she choose someone that is not living a clean life, or is emotionally unstable, or weird, or controlling, gets jealous easily, or is arrogant?  Unless the girl is majorly manipulated by flattering words and romantic gestures, then guess what?  It doesn't matter how much you love the girl, she ain't choosing you buddy! 

Kendra will be 16 in October.  I will not be able to make decisions on who she chooses to date, but I do know my daughter.  I do know who she is.  I especially know what she deserves.    

Kendra is as good as they come.  She is not perfect, but she wants to do good and she is good.  She likes to have fun and she loves socializing.  She does not have the ability to be anything but genuine.  She doesn't need attention to build her self-esteem, or pose provocatively on Instagram or post a ton of selfies so boys will look at her.  She is truly genuine.  For example, the boy Kendra had a crush on liked Kendra and another girl.  The other girl would snub Kendra and act like she wasn't there.  Kendra came home and said, "I don't know why, but it seems like so-and-so does not like me."  I had to tell her why the girl does not like her.  Then Kendra said, "But she doesn't even know me.  That doesn't make sense.  Maybe she just takes awhile to get to know people."😳  She has always been that way with everyone.  I have had to tell her when a friend is not being a good friend.  Even when someone has hurt her she is still kind.  It makes me choke up thinking about it. 

Kendra is no push over though.  She is not swayed easily and she can be very bold.  She reminds me of her dad in that regard.  So, if you think you can manipulate her you high school pip squeak, then think again!

Thus far in Kendra's life she has never had a boyfriend.  That does not mean that boys have not liked her.  Just this past summer she had four different boys that went after her, but she did not like any of them.  I, of course, did not find out about all the different "situations" until after the fact.  Most of the boys that have gone after Kendra she has liked as friends.  Kendra has liked boys also.  She has only liked one or two boys back, but she felt she was too young to have a boyfriend or the circumstances prevented her from pursuing a relationship with the boy.  Most every boy has been friend-zoned, poor boys.  The boys she has liked are far and few between.  She has never been boy crazy or felt the need to have a boyfriend, and her parents have thanked their lucky stars!

I see some girls with boyfriends and I not only thank my lucky stars that the girl is not Kendra, but I thank the Heavens!  Kendra would rather have no boyfriend then to settle.  I was the same way in college.  All my friends were getting married SO YOUNG.  I went out on dates all the time and it wasn't like I never had boyfriends.  I got to the point in my life where I thought, "Maybe I'm just girlfriend material, or a fun date, but I am not marriage material." I remember one night praying about how I felt.  I realized that I would rather be single for the rest of my life then settle for less than what I wanted in a husband.  I didn't necessarily think I deserved everything I wanted, but I decided that if I couldn't have what I wanted then I just wouldn't get married.  I met Brian a few months later.  No girl should settle just because a guy likes her or because the guy has good qualities, but not the most important ones.  I see girls dating guys that do not share the same standards, or guys that don't treat her right, or guys that are immature.  I pray every night that my girls will know who they are and that they will know their self worth.  It doesn't come from a boy!

One night Kendra opened up to me as I was driving her home from a party she attended.  I always cherish the times she opens up to me and shares her inner thoughts and feelings.  She asked me, "Do you think I will ever be asked to date?"  I thought she was talking about when she would turn sixteen.  I said, "Yes, you will definitely go out on dates."  She then said, "No, I mean have a boyfriend."  I said, "Are you talking about when you turn sixteen?"  She said, "Well, I don't want a boyfriend because I am not sixteen, but I wish a boy would ask me to be his girlfriend."  I got the distinct impression because of the girls around her dating and kissing boys that she was feeling like she was missing out on something and not feelings as great about herself.  I knew many of the girls with boyfriends were the type that were very out-going, flirtatious, and aggressive.  I was so thankful that a story I read about Muhammad Ali came to my mind at that point.  I would rather copy and past the story here because it is better told by Muhammad Ali's daughter:

 His globally known nick name is “The Greatest.” That name refers to his incredible fighting talent. However, I would like to suggest that the term “the Greatest” might also include his advice to his daughters. See below:

The following incident took place when Muhammad Ali’s daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were not modest. Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:

When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.

My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them.”

He looked at me with serious eyes. “Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.” 

I related this story to dating, kissing, and chastity.  I told Kendra that boys are not looking for a wife in junior high and high school.  Most boys go out with whatever girl makes it easy for them and kiss whatever girl makes it easy for them.  I then told her that she is a rare gem.  She is not easily obtained.  When she is obtained she will be treasured because she is pure and rare.  It was a very good talk and I could tell that she made a choice in her head - a good choice.  

There are very few boys I think are good enough for my daughters.  If you ask Brian he would tell you there are no boys good enough for his daughters.  

A boy may have everything going for himself, but if he tends to go after the superficial, barbie look-a-like, attention-seeking, dozens of pictures of herself (or with others) on her social media type girls then he is no good for my daughter - I don't care how perfect he is in every other way.  

Second, if the boy only likes girls that go after him and flirt with him then you have no chance with my daughter, because no matter how much she may have a crush on you, her mentality with boys is in the 1950's.  You have to go after her!  And it won't be easy.  She doesn't gush all over someone.  It takes time to get to know her.  High school boys are into the RIGHT NOW and whatever makes them feel good.  So, bye-bye little boys. 

Third, if you need to have your ego boosted or a girl to flirt with you constantly then my daughter is not for you!  Adios amigos!  Her job is not to feed your ego!  She doesn't know how to be anything but genuine and sincere.  If she gives you a compliment then you know it's honest.  

Fourth, if you think it is okay to kiss whatever girl you are attracted to then don't even think about kissing my daughter!  Your kisses are cheap!  Hers are gold.

Fifth, if you think it is alright to experiment with pornography, sex,  drugs, cigarettes, marijuana, or any other type of filth, and then expect to have a clean, sweet, pretty girl honor and respect you then think again.  At some point what you try to hide will come out.  If you want the clean, sweet, pretty girl then you better be trying to live a clean life!  Anyone can repent and change.  It doesn't matter what you have done in the past if you have cleaned up your ways.  If you only clean up your life to try and get a girl then it won't work.  You have to do it for yourself!  Kendra doesn't care what is "normal" to other people, she lives a clean life because it makes her feel good.

Sixth, if my daughter likes you and you snub her ONE time then you are not worth it!  End of story tonto!  I would rather my daughters be lonely spinsters than to have their self-worth torn down!  

If any boy ever read my blog they are probably scared to death to even glance at either of my daughters.  Truth is that Brian and I are the most accepting, loving people - well, especially Brian.  All I want is for my daughters to enjoy their childhoods, have fun making friends, and continue to gain a testimony of Jesus Christ.  I trust Kendra, so whomever she someday will choose to date, I will know he is a special guy and he will be accepted and loved by us.  Until then I will continue to thank my lucky stars!  

LOVE

Warning:  This blog post contains bragging.  Reading may cause nausea and constant rolling of the eyes.  Proceed with caution.  

If there was a scripture to describe my husband, this scripture would be at the top of the list:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Brian's love has been a constant in my life since the day we realized we both had an interest in each other.  He has never yelled at me or told me anything to me that would make me feel bad about myself.  He does not hesitate to tell me his opinions and he is one of the boldest persons I have ever known.  There is a big difference between arrogance and being bold.  There is a big difference between being assertive and being aggressive.  Brian is assertive and bold.  People listen to him when he is making a point and it is impossible to argue with his words.  They are not from a place of trying to be right or a place of boasting.  His words and actions are honest, humble, and bold.  He is also very loyal.  I have never had to worry about him being dishonest or looking at another woman.  Not ever!  He has only had eyes for me since the day we started dating.  Men will make the excuse that they are men so they can't help it.  Brian has mastered himself since he was very young.  His parents taught him correct principals and he adhered to their words.  Of course he was and is attracted to women.  He always seemed to have a girlfriend since the day he was in Kindergarten until close to the time he met me.  Brian is blessed that he chose from a very young age to not go near pornography and to not take part in any form of pornography.  He was in sports and he avoided filthy talk or being part of looking at any form of pornography.  He stayed away from pornography like it was the plague.  Because of his choices, and because of the example of his father and older brothers, he has been the most loyal husband and father.  He has always put his family first, and especially me. 

Instead of being mocked, his peers respected him.  Brian is not judgmental.  He is the most accepting person I know.  He has compassion for those that struggle with not only pornography, but other addictions that can make a person miserable.  He has compassion and love for those that are hurting in any form in their lives.  He always compared it to how much he loves Doctor Pepper.  He says, "If I have a hard time quitting Doctor Pepper then I can't imagine how hard it is to quit serious addictions."  He always is understanding.  I find him on his knees for long periods of time praying for those in our ward that are struggling.  I do not know who he is praying for or what the circumstances are, but they are always on his mind and in his prayers.

Brian had close friends in high school that did drugs and drank.  Often he was the designated driver.  He was the Stake President's son, and I am sure there were parents in the stake that would never allow their child to hang out with a group that was choosing bad choices.  His parents taught him to love others, but to stand firm in his convictions and beliefs.  His friends became protective of him and would warn him to not go to certain places because of the filth that would be occurring.  Some of his friends were in rehab on and off for years.  Brian also had friends that had the same standards as himself.  I love that he loved!  He loved his friend's hearts and did not focus on the drinking or smoking or drugs.  Brian did not like that his friends were choosing those choices.  His friends knew how Brian felt about it because of his example.  

I don't think there are many people on this earth that are so selfless.  Brian rarely has thought about himself since we got married.  It is in his nature to always think about what would make me happy or the girls happy.  He feels pulled in so many different directions.  He is the owner of a business with many employees that he oversees and then he is bishop.  No matter what others may think he should do like putting his calling first, he never has.  He has always made his family a priority.  I can't imagine how hard that must be for him when his phone is going off non-stop with work calls and church calls.  The hardest part is that he knows what others are going through and I am positive that he wants to be there for every person struggling.  He chose at the beginning of our marriage that he would always put our family first. 

One day we were talking to one of our daughters about thinking outside of oneself.  We have tried to stress how we are here to uplift other people and to serve.  It is all about becoming closer to the Savior and loving others as the Savior loves.  Our daughter said, "Dad, you always are helping us.  You are always helping everyone."  I wasn't sure how Brian would respond to her flattering, but sincere words.  Brian's sincerity in his response was strongly felt as he told our daughter that he made a choice a long time ago (at this point he got choked up) that he would not think about himself.  He had made the conscious choice to put others first.  

How?  How did I get this man?  How was I the one that broke off our engagement multiple times?  His love has been steady as a rock in my life.  He is the constant that I never had in my life.  I do not have to wonder or worry with him.  I feel secure.  I know I am always loved no matter what.  No matter what!  

Brian is my very best friend.  I read an Ensign article the other day written by some type of professor or something of that nature that has studied marriages that work and marriages that fail.  He wrote about the myth of soul mates or "the one".  God does not choose your husband or wife.  YOU choose your husband or wife.  Once that choice is made, it is a life-long process to strive to emulate the Savior's love within one's marriage.  I am grateful that there are articles for adults, young adults, and teenagers to read that help debunk the myth of what a loving marriage should be founded on.  When someone feels the rush of falling in love, it is a chemical reaction.  It is mostly infatuation.  At some point it will go away. Falling in love is just that - a chemical reaction.  A rush.  The feeling can be very strong and overwhelming.  The phrase "I fell in love at first sight" is a myth.  The person may have an overwhelming draw to a certain person, but it is that chemical reaction.  It is just the first phase of getting to know someone.  When it leaves some couples or one spouse desires the rush over stability and true love.   Hopefully what is left when that infatuation is long gone is devotion, affection, compassion, forgiveness, loyalty, friendship, and LOVE.  The kind of love described in the scripture I shared.  I am beyond blessed that I have a husband that is my very best friend.  He desires real love over some excited rush.  Falling in love should only happen once in a relationship, during the courting phase.  

Our marriage is not perfect because neither of us is perfect.  We get impatient at times.  I get grumpy.  Brian gets tired.  The kids drive us crazy.  Someone gets sick.  Work is hard.  The dogs peed in the house.  Etc., etc., etc.  Brian is the rock, in my opinion.  He is the one that is always emulating Christ-like love.  He is never sitting, always doing.  If he sees something needs to be done, he will do it whether it is the dishes or folding laundry.  He is always helping.  It never seizes.  He is not as spry as he once was when our children were younger.  He has many more responsibilities and he is tired when he comes home.  When he is awake he is always thinking about how to help and he is always loving.  He is selfless.

I hope that one day I can emulate the Savior the way my husband emulates the Savior.  I am far from it!!  When I pictured marriage as a kid, I pictured the twitterpated love portrayed on Bambi when Thumper's leg can't stop thumping the ground while the girl bunny is playing with his ear.  LOL.  I am grateful that instead I have the feelings of peace, comfort, stability, safety, warmth, affection, and LOVE.  Thank you Brian for always loving me.  I never had the emotional stability and peace in my life until I married you.  Thank you for showing me what real love is.  I love you forever no matter what!

And now these three remain:  faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is LOVE.